


Haunted by You

by Samm07Maurer



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Badass Clarke, Badass Lexa, Canon Bisexual Character, Canon Lesbian Character, Canon Universe, Character Death Fix, Clexa, Commander Lexa, Complete, F/F, Grounder Culture, Heda, Heda Lexa, Lexa Lives, wanheda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2017-12-14
Packaged: 2018-06-04 06:00:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 34,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6644170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Samm07Maurer/pseuds/Samm07Maurer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Lexa is hit with a stray bullet meant for Clarke, can she save her? If she can't, how long will she be able to bear the memories or her love dying beneath her hands? If she can, how long until the memories brought on by constant reminders of her love's brush with death break her?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You Did It, Clarke

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: The 100 was created by Kass Morgan and adapted to TV by Jason Rothenberg. I do not own the characters or the world of The 100 except for those I create.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke fights to save Lexa's life. The end is not what most would expect.

"Don't you dare give up!" Clarke snapped as she tried desperately to stop the bleeding. Lexa's voice was barely above a whisper when she replied, "I'm not." Clarke noticed Titus preparing some sort of ritual for after Lexa died. But she wasn't dying. Not if Clarke had any say in it. With one look and a nod to Murphy, Titus was backed into a corner with a gun trained on him.

Tears fell freely from her eyes as her knuckles traced down Lexa's cheek. "I'm sorry, but I have to take it out. It's going to hurt." She nodded, clenched her jaw and squeezed her eyes tight, "Do it." Clarke took a deep breath, and plunged two of her fingers into the wound in Lexa's stomach. She screamed as Clarke probed around until she found it, each cry piercing and echoing throughout the room, causing more tears to fall down Clarke's cheeks.

There. Clarke's fingers pinched the cool metal of the bullet and she pulled it out, trying to be as careful as possible. With one last scream, the bullet was out. Clarke's voice was shaking as she dropped it and it hit the floor, "There," she said, voice wavering, "all better." Lexa smiled slightly, panting. "Thank you, Clarke," she whispered, her voice weak and her breath labored. Clarke nodded once, they weren't in the clear yet. Far from it.

She turned to Murphy. "I used all the other bandages, give me your shirt." She knew he was going to protest, but something about her desperate expression must have stopped him, and he threw it to her without a word. She pressed the shirt against Lexa's stomach, the blood flowing worse than before, black as night.

"Hey!" She snapped when she saw Lexa's eyelids falling. "Stay awake!" Her voice cracked, "Please, Lexa. Stay awake." But Lexa's eyes didn't open again. New tears flooded Clarke's eyes as she watched Lexa lying there unconscious. She screamed over to Murphy, "Get him the fuck out and find me a needle! She needs stitches! NOW!"

He did as she asked and heated the needle over a candle flame before threading it and handing it to her. The closer Clarke's hand got to Lexa's stomach, the more it shook. She felt Murphy place a hand on her shoulder. "Clarke, stitches require a steady hand. I know you want to help her, but let me do this part, okay?" She nodded, handing over the needle. He sighed, "Go hold her hand. Don't watch this."

She moved up near Lexa's face and kneeled beside the bed. She took one of her hands in both of hers and held it close to her face, kissing her hand as she spoke, "Please." Clarke begged, "Please don't leave me. I just got you back, Lexa. I can't lose you again. I can't lose you too. Please, please come back to me. I can't do this without you."

She stayed there and cried silently until Murphy said, "Alright. It's done. She's all stitched up and the bleeding stopped. What now?" Clarke stood quickly and stared down at her. "I don't know." But something's not right. Her eyes widened. "MURPHY! SHE'S NOT BREATHING!" He held his fingers against the side of her neck, and looked up at Clarke with sympathy in his eyes. "NO!" She yelled, as she shook her head vigorously back and forth.

Clarke picked up Lexa's wrist and frantically searched for a pulse. She didn't find one.

"Clarke-" Murphy put a hand on my shoulder, but she shook it off and began the steps of CPR. "Come on." She whispered. "Come on. This has to work." It felt like years later that Murphy spoke carefully, his voice filled with remorse "Clarke. You've been at this for 10 minutes. I don't think she-" "SHUT UP!" Clarke screamed, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

He stayed silent as she continued CPR in a desperate attempt to save the girl she loved. "I don't care how long it's been. Lexa is NOT dying!"

She kept going for a few more minutes when Lexa suddenly took a breath beneath her hands. Clarke let out a surprised gasp and grabbed Lexa's wrist as Murphy put his fingers back to her neck in disbelief.

There it was. It was weak and it was slow. But it was there. A heartbeat. Lexa's heartbeat.

Murphy's arms snaked around Clarke's waist as her knees buckled underneath her. He hugged Clarke to him and ran his fingers through her hair as she sobbed quietly into his chest, her whole body trembling.

"Shh. It's okay princess. She's okay. You did it, Clarke. You saved her."


	2. Six Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa's stuck in a coma. Clarke refuses to leave her side. Eventually, Murphy snaps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The 100 was created by Kass Morgan and adapted to TV by Jason Rothenberg. I do not own the characters or the world of The 100 except for those I create.

  
The guards stayed outside the doors, not allowing anyone inside except for Murphy. He visited Clarke a few times a day, and stood behind her kneeling form, placing a hand on her hunched shoulders. He lent her his strength, and she was grateful. They usually didn't talk much, Murphy understood that there was nothing to be said. Clarke licked her chapped lips and asked, "How long has it been?" He sighed quietly, "Six days, last night. The seventh started this morning. We're almost through week one, princess." Clarke sighed, wearily...six days.

Six days that Lexa had been unresponsive.

Six days that Clarke hadn't left her side. She hadn't even let go of her hand.

Clarke hadn't slept, eaten, or bathed. She couldn't bring herself to. Not until Lexa woke up.

Not until she saw those mesmerizing green eyes again.

"You should eat something, Clarke." She shook her head, "Not hungry." He simply sighed again and dropped the subject. They sat in comfortable silence beside Lexa's bed. They had moved Lexa back into her own room after a few hours, hoping maybe being in a familiar place would help her wake up. But so far, nothing. Clarke hadn't been back into her room since that night. Murphy stood to leave, but turned back to her, "She'll wake up soon, I'm sure of it. It won't be long now." Clarke leaned her elbows on the mattress and her body slumped forward, to weak to support itself. "Thanks, Murphy."

Clarke assumed he left after that, and a few minutes later she sighed loudly, her shoulders sagged, and her eyelids started to droop with exhaustion. She was fighting to keep them open when he spoke again, startling her. "Did you sleep last night? You promised me you would." Clarke shook her head. "Did you at least try?" He asks, voice harder than before. Clarke consider lying, but find no point. She shake her head only once.

"Alright. That's it," Murphy snapped and crossed the room towards her again, "this ends now. I get that Lexa got shot and you went through hell to get her back. I get that she isn't waking up and it's killing you inside. But she wouldn't want you neglecting to care for yourself like this." He waited until Clarke met his eyes to continue speaking, softer this time, "Look, I get that this is hard for you, and I get that I can't get you to leave her side, I wouldn't ask you to, but please, Clarke, sleep. If not for yourself, then for Lexa. I'll stay right here and you won't have to leave her side. If anything changes, I'll wake you up."

She stared at Lexa's unchanging form beside her, as a war took place within her. She thought of all the reasons she should stay awake, but one thought weighed heavily in the back of her mind. _He's right, she would be livid if she knew how I was putting her above my most basic needs._ Clarke sighed and nodded. "Fine. You win." He walked to the desk and brought over a chair to Lexa's bedside for himself. "It's alright, Princess, I'll take care of her." She met his gaze and grit her teeth, "If she shows ANY signs of waking up-" He placed a hand on her shoulder, "I'll wake you up, Clarke, you have my word. Now, please, get some sleep."

She avoided his gaze and whispered, "I'm scared." Clarke flinched at how small she sounded. "I know, Clarke." Clarke kissed Lexa's hand as tears ran down her cheeks for the first time since it happened, "What if she doesn't wake up?" He put a hand under her chin and forced Clarke to look at him, "She will. She's a fighter, and she's like you. To damn stubborn to die." She laughed shortly though it sounded like more of a sob. "How can you be so sure?" He wiped the saltwater from Clarke's cheeks, "Because I have hope. Right now that's all we can do." She nodded and turned back to her love as the last of her tears dried. "Get some sleep, Clarke. I'll keep you both safe. Go visit her in your dreams." Clarke closed her eyes and opened them again before nodded.

Clarke crossed her arms on the bed and let her head rest on them, making sure to still grip Lexa's soft hand in hers. She took a deep breath, feeling her muscles relax from the kneeling position they've been in for too many days now. Her eyes immediately started closing and for once she didn't fight it. She let sleep wash over her like a dark river.

Clarke dreamt of Lexa.


	3. Ai Hod Yu In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa wakes with memories of the past. She meets Murphy. Clarke breaks down. Cuteness ensues at the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The 100 was created by Kass Morgan and adapted to TV by Jason Rothenberg. I do not own the characters or the world of The 100 except for those I create.
> 
>  
> 
> Translations in the notes at the end

Lexa fought through the darkness that clouded her vision and opened her eyes to a blinding light. Everything was blurry and it was quite disconcerting.  She blinked rapidly, trying to get it to clear. It took a minute, but suddenly everything snapped back into focus. Observing her surroundings, she noticed a boy no older than she was across the room, leaning against the balcony doors, looking outside. Her body tensed when she didn't recognize him. She shut her eyes again to feign sleep as she tried to remember what had happened and how she had gotten here. The last thing she remembered was Clarke leaving to go back to Arkadia.

_Lexa woke to gentle morning light, seeing Clarke's bare back next to her. She was sitting up on the edge of the bed, breathing deeply. "Clarke." Lexa whispered. Clarke turned, tears in her eyes, "Good Morning, Lexa." Lexa's small smile faltered, this was actually happening, "How long until you leave?" Clarke flinched, the idea of leaving Lexa was physically painful, when she answered, her voice was thick, "Not long." Lexa pushed the furs off of her, not bothering to cover herself as she crawled over to hug Clarke from behind and kiss her shoulder. "Let me help you get ready." Clarke nodded, her eyes shut as a few tears fell from her eyes. Lexa stood up and collected their clothes from the floor, folding them and placing them on a chair nearby. She got out two sets of armor and, after getting herself dressed, walked back over to where Clarke sat. She helped Clarke wrap her chest, kissing her back. She kneeled in front of her, helping her put on her pants, kissing her thighs and her hips, before securing the buckles and belt. She laced up Clarke's boots. Lexa kissed her stomach and her chest before pulling the shirt over her body. As she pulled on Clarke's outer armor, Lexa kissed her hands, her shoulders, her collarbones, and her neck. She fastened the buckles with steady hands, hoping lend Clarke some strength. She would allow herself to break only after Clarke was safe._

_Lexa stood once more and held Clarke's face in her hands. She kissed her forehead, her cheeks, the tip of her nose, but not her mouth. She couldn't for it would surely break them both. She rested their foreheads together for a few minutes, using the last of her strength to pull away. She offered a hand to pull her from the bed, which Clarke accepted. They reach the door, and Lexa had every intention of being by Clarke's side until she simply couldn't anymore, but Clarke stopped her. "I think I should do this on my own." Lexa looked down, not liking the idea of saying goodbye early, but she knew it was for the best, so she nodded. If this is what Clarke needed, she would do it._

_She met Clarke's watery gaze with a tearful one of her own, "Be safe, Klark kom Skaikru. Come back to me." Clarke nodded, a few tears leaking out, "I will." Clarke threw her arms around Lexa and held on tight, burying her face in her neck. Lexa held her just as tightly, and tried to commit her scent to memory. She did not know when she would see her skai prisa again, and this thought was like a dagger to the heart. When they pulled back both had tears flowing down their cheeks. Clarke whispered, "May we meet again." She turned to open the door, but Lexa caught her wrist, spinning her around her pulling Clarke to her, crashing their lips together. They poured everything into that kiss, all the pain of leaving and the all hope of reunion. When they parted, Lexa whispered, "May we meet again." She kept her eyes closed until she heard the door shut, and when she opened them, she was alone._

_Lexa fell to her knees, an intense pain in her chest and unable to stop the tears pouring from her eyes._

Lexa remembered their goodbye vividly, but after that seemed fuzzy. She kept trying to get anything to come back and suddenly it all hit her full force.

_The sound of gunshots from Clarke's room. Sprinting down the hallway. Frantically pulling open the door. Feeling the bullet hit her stomach. Clarke taking it out. Clarke yelling at her to stay awake. Then...black. Nothing._

Lexa sucked in a sharp breath and tried to sit up, but was immediately held down by the boy who had crossed the room as the memories had flooded her brain. She was about to yell at him when he spoke first, "Look I know your'e probably really confused right now, but I just got her to sleep and I would appreciate if you didn't wake her up." Lexa followed his gaze and found Clarke, folded in on herself on the edge of the bed, one of her hands grasping hers.

Lexa relaxed back into the pillows but stayed in a sitting position as the boy sat in her desk chair, which must have been brought to the side of the bed. "I'm Murphy. By the way. I was locked up on the Ark with Clarke and got sent down here with the rest of them." She nodded. "What happened?" She asked, her voice rough. "Well, you got shot and Clarke went through hell to get the bullet out, I stitched you up and you've been unconscious since. She hasn't left your side." Lexa brushed some lose hair from Clarke's forehead as she watched her sleeping. Clarke didn't look well. Lexa could see that she was thinner and the bruises under her eyes were much too dark. Lexa continued to question Murphy as her gaze remained fixed on Clarke.

"How long have I been out?"

"Today would have been day 7."

"And she hasn't left at all?"

He laughed. "She hasn't let go of your hand."

"How long has she been sleeping?"

"About an hour."

"And how long has she slept in total in this last week?"

"About an hour."

She eyes meet his, shocked. "She hasn't slept at all? Has she eaten?"

He shakes his head, sadly, looking over at Clarke. "I've haven't been able to convince her to."

She picked up their intertwined hands and kiss the back of Clarke's, shaking her head. "What am I going to do with you?" She said, with a small smile on her usually stoic face.

Clarke stirred at the action and her eyes fluttered open. She saw Lexa looking at her and gasped, "Lexa?" Lexa brushed her knuckles across Clarke's jaw, "Hello my Skai Prisa." She said, quietly. Clarke's eyes flooded with tears and she pulled Lexa into a hug. She groaned slightly as Clarke squeezed her tightly, but didn't make any move to protest when she noticed how much Clarke was trembling. Lexa could feel Clarke's tears hitting her shoulder as she sobbed, sounding like she had been holding it in for days, maybe she had. Lexa gave Murphy a look telling him to give them some privacy, knowing Clarke did not like to look weak in front of her people.

Once he was gone, Lexa shifted Clarke so she was holding her in her lap, one of Clarke's legs on either side of Lexa's waist. Clarke tried to speak but was cut off when another round of sobs hit her small body. Lexa clutched Clarke to her even tighter, ignoring her wound to comfort her Prisa. "Clarke. Shh. I'm alright." Lexa rubbed soothing circles into Clarke's back, hoping to calm her some. She had never seen her this hysterical before.

Clarke finally stopped sobbing, but continued to cry silently into Lexa's shoulder. "Clarke, you're shaking." Clarke's hands fisted in Lexa's shirt and she clutched it tightly almost as if she would never let go. "I lost you." Clarke croaked out, her voice filled with pain and suffering. "You were gone." She repeated it again, softly and broken this time, "You were gone."

Lexa kept one arm wrapped around Clarke's waist and use the other hand to stroke her hair soothingly as Clarke buried her face into Lexa's neck and nuzzled it. "Shh. Clarke. You didn't lose me. I'm right here." Clarke pulled back just enough to meet Lexa's gaze. Lexa noticed Clarke's tears had stopped, but she still quaked in Lexa's arms when she whimpered, "You died, Lexa. Right in front of me. I had to do CPR for like 10 minutes and I didn't think you would-" Lexa closed the distance between them and brought her lips to Clarke's. She poured her heart into that kiss, hoping Clarke knew how much Lexa loved her. She could never leave Clarke. When they broke apart for air, their foreheads rested against each others and Lexa nuzzled against Clarke's nose. "Ai hod yu in, Klark kom skaikru. I could never leave you."

Lexa lied down amidst the pillows and furs and pulled Clarke with her, shifting her until she was properly tucked into her side. Clarke still trembled every now and then and each time she did,  Lexa pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. "Sleep. Clarke. I will still be here when you wake up." She looks up at Lexa and whispered, "Promise?" Lexa chuckled quietly and quickly kiss the tip of Clarke's nose, "I promise my Skai Prisa." She nods and tucks her face into Lexa's shoulder. Right when Lexa thought Clarke had fallen asleep she heard Clarke whisper.

"I love you too, Lexa."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Klark kom Skaikru - Clarke of the Sky People  
> Skai Prisa - Sky Princess  
> Ai hod yu in - I love you


	4. Dark to Light and Light to Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dark memories. Flashbacks. Old friends. Songs from the Ark. What could go wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The 100 was created by Kass Morgan and adapted to TV by Jason Rothenberg. I do not own the characters or the world of The 100 except for those I create.

Clarke woke to soft morning light hitting her eyelids. She lifted her gaze and saw Lexa's face, her expression calm and peaceful in her sleep. She quietly slipped out of the furs, untangling herself from Lexa. She opened the balcony doors fully, allowing the cool morning breeze to flow into the room, before she grabbed her sketchbook from a table that was otherwise covered in maps. She sat in a chair across from the bed and for the first time in weeks, Clarke picked up some charcoal.

Clarke found herself staring at the drawing she had done two weeks ago of Lexa while she was sleeping on the couch. She had never gotten to finish it because Lexa had had a nightmare and woken up abruptly, gasping for air. She found herself filling in the details that she hadn't gotten to before. Like the way her eyes were closed ever so lightly, her long, dark lashes brushed against the tops of her cheeks, and the way the pillows and furs gathered around her head. She had just finished the final touches of shading and was admiring her work when she heard a soft groan, followed by her name, spoken by a sleep filled voice, "Clarke?"

She looked up and met Lexa's soft gaze, "Hey. How are you feeling?" "I'm alright." Clarke stood and walked over to Lexa's side, taking her hand, "Really? You do know you not supposed to lie to your doctor, right?" Lexa kissed the back of Clarke's hand and smiled softly, "I am fine, Clarke." Clarke sighed and nodded, knowing Lexa would never admit to being in pain. Lexa watched Clarke face fall when she realized that she wouldn't admit to being weak, so she added softly, "It hurts a bit, can you just change the bandage?" Clarke met her gaze and nodded, a small smile on her face. The leader of 12 clans, asking her for help. Clarke was honored that she would let her walls down with her. "I'll be right back." Lexa kissed the back of Clarke's hand once more before she left, "Okay."

Clarke left the room and walked back towards her room, knowing she should change before she returned to change the dressing on Lexa's stomach. She opened the door and stepped inside, forgetting about the tragedy that had taken place there less than a week ago. That is, until she turned around.

She froze as the wind was knocked out of her, her gaze focused on the furs of her bed, coated in dry, black blood. Lexa's blood. Her legs gave out and her knees hit the ground forcefully, which knocked her teeth together as memories assaulted her senses. She felt the blood seeping through her fingers, slick and hot, as it refused to stoop flowing from Lexa's stomach. She heard her desperate cries as Lexa's eyes closed and her sobs as her heart stopped. Clarke could still smell the blood and death that the room contained.

She leaned forwards on her hands and knees and managed to crawl into the corner of the room before emptying her stomach, not that there was anything in it. She lied down on her side and hugged her knees to her chest as she continued to dry heave. She was dizzy, she couldn't breathe, there were black dots dancing in front of her eyes, so she closed them tightly, willing the scene before her to go away. It didn't.

She opened her eyes and blinked, but her vision wouldn't clear. Tears streamed down her face as her mind refused to control her body. Her body was shaking and sweating as her heart raced, but ice washed through her veins. There wasn't enough oxygen in the room and she was getting light headed. She used the last of her air to scream, her eyes squeezing shut and her nails digging into her temples as she tried and failed to stop whatever was happening.

The next thing she knew she was being lifted into someone's arms and cradled to their chest. "Clarke! Clarke! Look at me!"

But she couldn't focus her eyes on the face of the person holding her, everything remained blurry. She was scared. She wanted to sob, but her body refused to comply which meant the only noise she made were small, strangled sounds in the back of her throat. "Shh. Clarke. Shh. It's gonna be okay."

The person holding her stood up, gathered Clarke in her arms and left the room, kicking the door shut behind them with more force than necessary. She stopped a few feet from the door and lowered herself to the ground, once again sitting with Clarke in her lap. Being in the hallway and out of her room helped, and as more oxygen entered her lungs, Clarke's vision began to clear and she was able to squeak out, "Octavia?"

Octavia smiled down at her friend and began rocking slowly back and forth in an effort to calm the panicked girl. "Hey, Princess." Clarke looked up at her, confused, "What are you doing here? The blockade-" "I snuck out again. I know you, Clarke. You don't just abandon people. So when you didn't show up at dawn I figured you had just gotten held up and would be late. But then a week went by and still nothing. So I snuck out and came back to find you. I was walking down the hallway when I heard you screaming. What happened in there, Clarke?" Clarke shuddered, "Lexa-" she cleared her throat and tried again. "Lexa got shot a week ago. She died. I had to do CPR for a long time. I got her back, O, but she wouldn't wake up. That's why I couldn't leave. I couldn't leave because I-" She was cut off as the sobs finally came."

Octavia said nothing, only held a little tighter. When Octavia realized what Clarke had been about to say, and why she was reacting like this, she moved some hair from Clarke's forehead and wiped away her tears, "You love her don't you?" Clarke smiled weakly, "Yeah, O, I really do."

When Clarke's eyes began to shut, Octavia did something she never thought she would. She leaned down and kissed Clarke's forehead saying, "It's okay to sleep now, Princess, I'll keep you safe. I'll keep both of you safe." And then she began to sing.

Clarke immediately recognized the song. It was a common lullaby from the ark.

"Dark the stars and dark the moon,  
Hush the night and the morning loon,  
Tell the horses and beat on your drum,  
Gone their master, gone their son.

Dark the oceans, dark the sky,  
Hush the whales and the ocean tide,  
Tell the salt marsh and beat of your drum,  
Gone their master, gone their son."

Octavia stood with Clarke in her arms. Her hands fisted in Octavia's shirt and her head was on her shoulder. Octavia began walking slowly towards the commander's room, knowing that's probably where Clarke had been staying, since it clearly wasn't in her own room. As she walked, she continued to sing the lullaby, hoping it would calm her enough to sleep. She looked exhausted.

"Dark to light and light to dark,  
Three black carriages, three black carts,  
What brings us together's what pulls us apart,  
Gone their brother, gone our home."

Octavia pushed open the door with her shoulder, not bothering to knock. She turned to see rage in the commander's eyes when she walked in unannounced. However, her emotions shifted when she noticed a distressed Clarke in her arms. Lexa opened her mouth to say something, but Octavia simply shook her head as she finished the lullaby and set a sleeping Clarke down on the bed.

Clarke felt another door being pushed open and Octavia carried her inside, but she was too far gone to open her eyes. She barely caught the end of the lullaby.

"Hush the whales and the ocean tide,  
Tell the salt marsh and beat on you drum,  
Gone their master gone their son."

Clarke was out as soon as her head hit the pillow.


	5. You're Sorry?!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Octavia freaks out and then breaks apart. Enough said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The 100 was created by Kass Morgan and adapted to TV by Jason Rothenberg. I do not own the characters or the world of The 100 except for those I create.
> 
>  
> 
> Translations in the notes at the end

Lexa stared at Octavia, who was sitting next to Clarke on the bed, brushing her hair from her face and wiping tears from her cheeks while softly singing a lullaby. "Is she alright? She left and then all I heard was screaming." Octavia met her gaze and narrowed her eyes, "Why the hell did you send her into that room?" Lexa chose to ignore her instinct to punish Octavia for speaking to her like that, knowing how close she was with Clarke, "I didn't. I asked her to change my bandage. She agreed. Then she left." Octavia scoffed at that, "Unless you forgot, Commander, the only place she would remember having bandages is the room where you died last week! The room that is still covered in your blood!" Lexa stared down at her hands, folded in her lap. "I'm sorry. I did not realize that it would affect her."

Now Octavia was livid. She got up and paced the room, sending glares to the commander with every pass. "You're sorry?! I walked in there and found her clawing at her temples, screaming next to a pool of her own vomit, all because she saw some of your blood! And you're sorry?!"

Lexa opened her mouth to defend herself, but Octavia cut her off. "NO! YOU DON'T GET TO TALK! THAT GIRL LOVES YOU WITH EVERY FIBER OF HER BEING! I CAN SEE IT! SHE BROUGHT YOU BACK TO LIFE WHEN YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN ABLE TO BE SAVED BECAUSE SHE COULDN'T DEAL WITH THE FACT THAT YOU WERE DEAD! YOU ASKED HER TO CHANGE THE BANDAGE WITHOUT THINKING WHAT SEEING YOUR WOUND WOULD DO TO HER! SHE IS NOT A WARRIOR! SHE IS A HUMAN BEING WHO CARES SO FUCKING MUCH THAT SHE WAS WILLING TO GO BACK TO THE ROOM IN WHICH YOU DIED TO HELP YOU BY DOING ANOTHER THING THAT MADE HER UNCOMFORTABLE! I HOPE YOU REALIZE THAT THE EXTREME PANIC ATTACK SHE JUST SUFFERED IS JUST THE BEGINNING! SHE'S GOING TO HAVE PANIC ATTACKS, NIGHTMARES, SHE HAS FUCKING PTSD BECAUSE OF YOU! SHE MAY NEVER GET OVER THIS AND EVEN IF SHE DOES SHE SURE AS HELL WON'T BE THE SAME PERSON!"

Octavia invaded the commander's personal space and poked an accusing finger into her chest, ignoring the tears running down both of their faces. "If you even think about hurting her again after this-" "I would not dare." Octavia nodded. "Good. Now I'm going to go clean up Clarke's room. I suggest you find someone else to change that bandage and then hold this girl close enough for her to hear your heartbeat. Got it?" Lexa nodded and Octavia left the room.

\------------------------------------------------------

After Octavia had finished cleaning the room, she sat on the edge of Clarke's bed with her head in her hands and let out a large sigh, her warrior mask beginning to crack. She sat in silence for a few minutes, feeling the weight of the world of her shoulders. She was interrupted by a knock on the door. She slammed her mask back into place and opened the heavy door.

Lincoln was leaning casually against the other side on the wall. "Did you find her?" She nodded, her mask and voice cracking when she answered, "Yeah, I found her." Lincoln noticed the tremor in Octavia's usually steady voice. He reacted immediately, and reached up to cup her face in his hands, "What happened?" She closed her eyes as one hot tear fell down her cheek, swiftly followed by a few more. Lincoln grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the bed, where she sat as he kneeling in front of her, taking her hands in his. "Talk to me, O."

She felt the last of her composure slipping, "I've never seen her so broken before, Lincoln." He dropped one of her hands and placed it on her cheek. "What aren't you telling me?" Octavia let out a shuddering breath, "Lexa got shot a week ago. She died. The bullet was meant for Clarke. She brought Lexa back, but she went into a coma. She only woke up yesterday. Clarke came in here this morning to get clean clothes and bandages. I just cleaned it, but the room was still covered in Lexa's blood. I don't know, it must have triggered something in her. I heard her screaming, I ran in here and found her having the panic attack equivalent of a grand mal seizure."

Lincoln continued to try and comfort her, "Where is she now? Is she okay?" Octavia nodded, "I got her to calm down. She's in Lexa's room, unconscious. The emotions were too much." He nodded, "Can you take me to her?" Octavia stood, keeping Lincoln's fingers locked with hers as she lead him down the hall to the commander's room. As they stepped inside, Lincoln bowed his head towards Lexa, who was sitting up in bed with Clarke tucked into her side, playing with her blonde hair. "Heda." She looked up surprised, "Lincoln, I was not aware you were here in Polis." "I came with Octavia to find Clarke, Heda." She smiled, her gaze now on Clarke, "Of course. Of course they would come looking for you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heda - Commander


	6. Nowhere Visible

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doctor Lincoln to the rescue. Sad Heda and angry Octavia. Honestly I feel bad for the table. 
> 
> *TRIGGER WARNING* *SELF HARM WARNING*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The 100 was created by Kass Morgan and adapted to TV by Jason Rothenberg. I do not own the characters or the world of The 100 except for those I create.
> 
>  
> 
> *TRIGGER WARNING* *SELF HARM WARNING* 
> 
>  
> 
> Translations in the notes at the end

Lincoln stepped closer to the two girls, "Heda, if I may, I would like to take a look at Clarke, from a medical standpoint. I fear she is not well." He could see the worry in Lexa's eyes, but her concern for Clarke's well being eventually won out, "Fine. But she does not leave my sight. Understood?" Lincoln and Octavia both nodded and answered, "Sha, Heda."

Lincoln looked back at Octavia, "Tav, can you go get some water, bandages, and a change of clothes for when Clarke wakes up? I don't want you here for this first part." He said, knowing the first thing he had to do was check Clarke's body for cuts and scars. He watched her expression harden as she left the room with one last glace at her best friend.

He picked Clarke up in his arms and set her on the couch, glancing back at Lexa, who's eyes were watching his every move. "You may not wish to see this either, Heda." She only nodded, clenching her jaw. Lincoln sighed, turning back to Clarke, who, Octavia had told him, had passed out; probably from mental exhaustion. But he could tell that she was also physically exhausted; she most likely hadn't slept while Lexa was in a coma. He could also tell without checking that she hadn't been eating either. 

Six days.

"Oh, Clarke," he sighed. "What?" Lexa asked, nervously. "Well, she hasn't been sleeping or eating. She passed out from exhaustion and is clearly malnourished. From what Octavia has told me, it's been five or six days since it you got hurt, and my guess is that that's when all this started." Lexa nodded, taking in this information.

The first place Lincoln checked were Clarke's wrists, he pushed up her sleeves to reveal the pale skin of her forearms. Thankfully, the skin was smooth and unharmed. He next checked her stomach, lifting the bottom of her shirt as he felt Lexa's gaze on his back. Once again, he found the skin to be unmarred. He glanced up at Lexa and she nodded. He sat by Clarke on the couch and lifted her upper body, leaning her against him as he pulled off her top completely, leaving the unconscious girl in her pants and the wrap that grounder females used to cover their chests. Her back was clear, and both Lincoln and Lexa let out breathes they hadn't realized that they had been holding.

"Check the rest." Octavia said, voice and face devoid of any emotion. Lincoln's head whipped around to find Octavia standing by the door with her jaw clenched and her expression stony. He hadn't heard her return. "Octavia, who would-" "I know her. She wouldn't do it anywhere someone could see or would think to look. It would be nowhere visible. So. Check. The. Rest."

Lincoln turned to Lexa, waiting for her to give permission. He wouldn't dare to move further without her consent. She nodded.

Lincoln laid Clarke's head back on the couch, standing. He carefully took her pants off of her and once she was stripped, he inspected every inch of her legs. He sucked in a sharp breath as Octavia came towards her friend. There. They lay new and freshly healed against her pale skin. Their jagged lines against her smooth skin was shocking. Her body was crossed in scars, long healed from battles fought on the ground and in the sky, but these were pink and shiny. Ten beside her right hip and six on the inside of her left thigh. 

"How many?" Lexa asked from the bed. Octavia shook her head, backing away, "Too many." Lincoln answered quietly, "A group of ten and another group of six... but I can almost guarantee that by the end of today...there would have been seven." Lexa didn't respond as tears fell from her eyes against her will. Not her Clarke.

Octavia stood up and crossed the room to one of the tables, itching to release some of her emotions. It was covered in maps. Perfect, she thought, as she swiftly kicked it, sending it flipping and crashing into the wall behind it. "Octavia!" Lincoln snapped, standing. She continued towards it, her anger pushing her forward, when a pair of arms wrapped around her waist. She was turned and was pulled into a chest. But she didn't want comfort. She wanted a fight.

Lincoln let Octavia continue to attack him, her punches hard and deliberate, wanting to inflict pain. He let her keep landing blows on him until tears started to spill from her eyes. He caught her fist in his hands and held her by the waist as she fought against his hold, eventually breaking down in his arms. He pulled her even closer and kept and arm around her waist while the other stroked her hair. "Shh, ai hodnes. Em na ste ait. Em ste yuj." Octavia nodded and pressed her forehead against Lincoln's. She clenched her jaw and squeezed her eyes shut, willing the tears to stop.

Lincoln sent Octavia to a room further down the hall, telling her he would meet her in a minute. He carefully put the fresh clothes on Clarke, cleaning her wounds and applying a salve to help with scarring. He lifted her up and placed her next to Lexa, who he would have comforted if her knew how. She nodded to him as he left, her voice thick, "Mochof, Linkon."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sha, Heda - Yes, Commander  
> Shh, ai hodnes. Em na ste ait. Em ste yuj - Shh, my love. She will be alright. She is strong.  
> Mochof, Linkon - Thank you, Lincoln


	7. You Are Not Atlas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More sad Clarke and supportive Lexa...at the end of the day their both a little broken. Cuddles, books, Clarke has art class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The 100 was created by Kass Morgan and adapted to TV by Jason Rothenberg. I do not own the characters or the world of The 100 except for those I create.

Lexa pulled Clarke close, the blonde girl's head on her chest, making sure Clarke's ear was over her heart, hoping Octavia was right and it would calm her princess. She played with her sunshine hair as she tried to calm herself down. She pulled herself together after a few minutes and began to wonder why Clarke would inflict harm on herself like this. A group of ten. And another of six. Going to be seven. Her forehead creased and her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. What had that boy-Murphy- said? Today would have been day seven. Lexa gasped. Clarke had been adding a scar every day since she hadn't woken up.

She thought about Clarke's outburst earlier. I had to do CPR for like ten minutes. She felt tear leak from her eyes, Clarke was hurting herself because she blamed herself. Lexa's death had hung over her like a knife waiting to drop.

She pulled Clarke closer and buried her face in her hair, inhaling Clarke's scent as her body shook. She had almost lost her. Her Skai Prisa. Clarke was here...but she was hurt. Lexa couldn't hold back the sob that left her body. Clarke was hurt by her own hand... because of her. The noise must have woken Clarke, because she groaned and her eyes fluttered open. When she saw Lexa's wet cheeks she frowned, "What's wrong?"

"I almost lost you, Clarke. I almost lost my Skai Prisa." Clarke kissed the tip of Lexa's nose, wiping away the last of the brunette's tears. "I'm right here. I promise you, I'm not going anywhere." Lexa nodded, burying her face in Clarke's neck, kissing her sweet spot and receiving a small moan in return. She smiled and kissed her one more time before whispering into her ear, "None of your scars could ever make me love you any less, Clarke." Clarke let out a small sob of her own, feeling the relief she hadn't felt in a long time. Lexa knew. She understood.

Lexa knew Clarke's instinct for dealing with pain was, at most, shivering, her eyes squeezed shut and her breathing labored, trying to deal with grief and pain, but now allowing herself to cry. She also knew Clarke had been doing that for far too long now, and that it was eating her alive every day. Lexa shifted Clarke in her arms until she was sitting up with Clarke across her lap, allowing the blonde to finally release her emotions as the first tear of many fell.

Her shoulders shook as she sobbed like a drowning man needing air. She whimpered and moaned in sadness and pain and relief, her breath was labored as she gulped for air, her lungs rummaging for oxygen. She buried her head in Lexa's chest as she finally accepted giving in to her torment. Her chest hurt from the force of her sobs, her whole body was hot, and her mind conjured up memories and scenarios which kept the tears flowing. Lexa held her tightly, whispering in her ear, "Let it out, Clarke. It's okay. Don't hold it in anymore. I'm here."

She waited until the worst of it was seemingly over before pulling her back and holding Clarke's face in her hands, peppering small kisses all over her burning face. Clarke's face was red and blotchy, her usually striking blue eyes were bloodshot and puffy. The sight caused a lump to form in Lexa's throat. She looked broken, beaten down, Lexa's Atlas was finally allowing herself to be crushed by the world.

They sat in silence for a while when Clarke spoke, her voice scratchy and cracking, "I'm sorry." Lexa shook her head, kissing Clarke quickly on the lips, squeezing her eyes shut, "Don't be. Never apologize. Not to me, Clarke." She sniffled and nodded. Lexa smiled and giggled, Clarke looked like a cute little kid when she did that, "I bear it so they don't have to." Lexa felt her face fall and her own eyes begin to water, "Clarke, you are not Atlas; you cannot shoulder the world alone."

\----------------------------------------------------

They laid together in silence, the occasional gust of wind sweeping through the room, content to just be in each other's presence. Lexa was lying on her back, Clarke was lying on her side. She was curled into Lexa's side, her head on her shoulder. "Clarke?" She looked up into Lexa's forest green eyes, "Yeah?" Lexa looked down, a slight blush on her cheeks, "Do you think you could get me a book?" Clarke smiled and kissed Lexa's cheek, "Of course."

She stood and crossed the room, going to the bookshelf, glancing at the titles and tracing her fingers against the worn leather spines. She smiled when she recognized one of her favorites. She pulled it out and grabbed her sketchbook before returning to her previous place in Lexa's bed. "Here. It's one of my favorites. My dad used to read it to me." "It's one of my favorites as well." Lexa replied, opening The Odyssey with a small, appreciative smile.

Clarke opened to a fresh, blank page in her sketchbook. Her sketchbook was almost full now, it was her one from the ark, her mom had brought it down. It had sketches from back when she was younger and had just started up drawing all the way until now. It even contained some of her father's art. It was one of her most prized possessions along with her father's watch, which she now wore around her ankle so it wasn't lost or damaged.

Her hand moved across the page in short confident strokes. She laid down a few of the main lines, smudging them with her fingers for shading. She filled in a place for a nose, some eyes, a mouth and a chin. She didn't want to do a full portrait, she didn't have the time or patience at the moment. She kept the eyes the darkest feature, leaving most of the page a blank white. She finished the outlines and started filling in details, working in small sections, her hand flying across the page and back again. She bit her lip and furrowed her brow in concentration as she focused on detailing the eyes. Needing them to live up to their inspiration. Some time later, she stopped to admire the work she had done, before going back and smudging out all of the lines, dragging shadows around the face. She smiled when she was done, it was actually a really great piece. She signed it with a line and her signature, CGriff. She had chosen her signature when her father had told her to always sign her art, and after watching her dad sign so many pieces as a child she observed his signature the way only an artist can. He had always drawn a straight line and the signed everything with JGriff.

She jumped when Lexa spoke, "It's beautiful." Clarke blushed and looked down, "Um...thanks." Lexa shifted closer, trying to get a better look, "Can I see the others?" Clarke's eyes widened and her mouth dropped open slightly as her hand went instinctively to cover up the book. "Um...I...I don't..." Lexa laughed lightly, "It is okay to say no, Clarke." But she didn't want Lexa to think that she wanted to keep them secret or something, "It's not that I don't want you to see them, it's just... there are some of them...in the beginning..." Lexa pecked her lips, "It's alright, my love. You will show them to me when you are ready." Clarke nodded, "Thank you."


	8. Do You Ever Miss It?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Octavia share some light hearted memories from the Ark. Clarke admits something that's been on her mind for a while and asks Octavia for a huge favor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The 100 was created by Kass Morgan and adapted to TV by Jason Rothenberg. I do not own the characters or the world of The 100 except for those I create.

Both girls jumped when there was a loud knock at the door. Lexa pulled Clarke close again and called out, "Enter." Octavia walked in the room, carrying two plates. Lincoln was behind her with two cups and some herbs. "We wanted to check up on you guys, and O figured you might be hungry." Lexa nodded, "Yes. Mochof, Oktevia." Clarke wouldn't meet their eyes, staying silent. If Lexa knew about her scars they probably did too.

Octavia moved towards the bed after setting down the plates. She moved some of Clarke's platinum hair from her face, tucking it behind her ears. "Hey, Princess, how ya feeling?" Clarke looked up, finally meeting her friends eyes. "I'm okay. Thanks for everything back there." She knew Clarke was talking about her singing the lullaby from the ark. "No problem. I figured it might help." Clarke nodded. "My dad used to sing it when I would wake up from a nightmare and my mom was in the med station." Octavia smiled, sitting on the edge of the bed. "My mom used to sing when I couldn't sleep if Bell wasn't home." 

Clarke could hear Lincoln talking quietly with Lexa, probably about her condition. She rolled over away from Lexa and onto her stomach, her hips hitting Octavia's side. She wasn't really sure how to bring it up, but she figured she would just put it out there, "Hey, O?" "Yes, Clarke?" "I think I want to get a tattoo..." She younger girl looked at her in surprise, but her expression filled with curiosity, "What do you want to get?" Clarke looked up at Octavia, knowing she would be the only one in the room to understand, "A number. 319." Sea colored eyes filled with a mixture of awe and saltwater. No words were said. But both girls understood. They sat in silence as Lincoln and Lexa continued their conversation, both reliving many memories.

Octavia broke the silence, "Where would you get it?" "On my back. Above the scars." Clarke whispered. She kept reliving memories. A cold cell. Little food, the prisoners were the first to starve when rations were low. Less oxygen, less light. An angry guard on a drunk night. Another one, sober, who was just a little too angry that day. She hadn't thought about those men in a while, but that number brought with it a tidal wave of pain. The younger girl looked at her in shock, "Scars?" Then realization, "The stories. They were true? About the guards who were angry. The screams at night? It was all true?" Clarke laughed bitterly, "Not all of them were angry. Some were just really drunk. And others...completely sober. They just liked the power they felt." "Clarke-" She interrupted the dark haired girl bitterly, "It doesn't...even matter." Octavia's expression softened, "Yes it does, Clarke. Who all have you told about this?" She didn't answer. The truth was that this was the first she had spoken to about her abuse in the skybox. To Octavia, the silence was answer enough.

Clarke was struck with happier recollections of her life in space and she looked up at Octavia with curiosity, "Do you ever miss it? Being up on the Ark?" Octavia sighed and continued playing with Clarke's hair as her head rested in Octavia's lap. "Yes and no. I miss the people. The innocence. We were just kids and we could run around and play and not have to worry about anything. But I don't miss the floor. I mean, I was punished for being born which kinda sucked." She laughed and Clarke joined in, "Yeah, I guess that would suck." Octavia smiled, "Honestly Princess? I do miss it sometimes, but I'm glad we came down here. Not that it was our choice or anything, though." Clarke smiled and teased her, "Maybe it was fate that we all got arrested then."

Both girls stared at each other in silence for a few moments before they erupted into a fit of laughter. They stopped abruptly, their body letting out little noise mixed between a cough and a choking sound when they noticed both Lexa and Lincoln staring at them with wide eyes. "Are you both alright? Do you need water?" The question just sent them into another round of giggles. Clarke thought back to the class they had been shoved into right before being sent down to the ground, she turned to Octavia and whispered, in all seriousness, "If you see water, what do you do?" Octavia answered, just as seriously with wide eyes and a shake of her head that sent her dark locks slapping against her cheeks, "Don't trust the water."

Suddenly, they were both laughing so hard that they couldn't stop. The waves of laughter just kept coming from somewhere deep within them. They were folded on top of each other, their forms shaking. Clarke tried catching her breath, wiping the tears from her eyes and looked at Lexa and Lincoln, who were staring at them like they had officially lost it. "I'm sorry. It's just that-" but she was cut off again by her own laughter. It was like each burst eased some of the tension from the two girl's bodies. Like they couldn't contain it anymore and they finally had something to let it out for.

A few minutes later, when they had both caught their breath, they turned back to their significant others. Octavia spoke first, "My apologies, Commander, what were you trying to say earlier." Lexa simply smiled softly, enjoying seeing the girls light hearted with flushed cheeks and bright smiles. "Nothing of serious importance, Oktevia." It was Clarke's turn, "And you, Lincoln?" He shook his head and returned her smile, "Just wanted to check in on you, Clarke." "I am fine now, thank you." He nodded.

Octavia stood, hugging Clarke. "Well, I guess we'll leave you two. Clarke, try to eat something. The herbs will make a tea to help you both sleep tonight. We'll be back in the morning." She squeezed Octavia a little tighter and held her a little longer than normal. "Thank you, O. For everything."

Octavia stepped back, meeting Lincoln by the door and grabbing his hand, "Anytime, Princess." As she turned to leave, Clarke stopped her once again, "Hey, 167?" "Yeah?" "I want you to be the one to do it. When the time comes." She smiled, "It would be my pleasure 319."


	9. Nowe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sleeping and Cuddles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The 100 was created by Kass Morgan and adapted to TV by Jason Rothenberg. I do not own the characters or the world of The 100 except for those I create.

Once they were gone, Lexa turned to Clarke, "You should eat something, my love." Clarke nodded and grabbed her plate from the table. They ate in comfortable silence, until Clarke started to feel sick to her stomach. She noticed that more than half of her food was still left, and with a small frown, reached to continue eating. Lexa stopped her, placing her hand over Clarke's. "You haven't eaten in a week, ai hodness. I do not expect you to be able to finish all of this. Allow your body to do what it can, but do not push yourself."

With a quiet sigh, Clarke moved her barely touched plate back onto the table. She used the herbs Lincoln had brought to make tea for Lexa and herself. She brought the first to Lexa, moving her empty plate from her lap, and then took her own cup, crawling back onto the bed. She sat cross-legged on the soft furs, hands curled around the warm drink.

"What were you speaking about with Octavia earlier? Is something wrong with the water here?" Lexa asked, her face scrunched up in confusion. Clarke hummed taking a sip of her tea, feeling the hot liquid soothe her dry throat before she answered with a small smile, "Before they sent us down to Earth, we had to take this class that taught basic survival skills, though no one realized we may actually need them...but anyways, our teacher always told us about how the radiation had supposedly affected the ground. He would always ask us what to do if we saw water and then go on and on about it not being safe and 'don't trust the water!' It was actually really funny." Clarke finished laughing.

Lexa chuckled, "And the other thing? When she called you 319?" Clarke's laughter died and her smile faded as she avoided Lexa's gaze, choosing instead to get up and place her mug on the table beside the bed and focus on her hands as memories of her time in a cell swept through her mind. She felt some of the scars on her back begin to tingle as she sat back down on the furs.

Lexa knew she had asked the wrong question. She set her mug beside Clarke's and put a finger under the blonde's chin. She raised Clarke's head until green met blue. "Listen to me, Clarke. You never have to tell me anything until you are ready to." Clarke leaned forward and kissed her girlfriend softly, "Thank you."

Lexa pulled her down on top of her until Clarke was flush against her and the furs were the only thing separating them. Clarke squealed at the sudden movement, "Lexa! What are you doing?" Lexa smiled, "Ai laik kep yu hir nat, ai hodness." Clarke laughed, and Lexa promised herself she would do just about anything to keep her that way.

\------------------------------------------------------

The moon was high in the sky, its gentle light spilling softly into the room. Clarke had fallen asleep long ago, but Lexa was still awake. She still held Clarke on top of her, their legs entangled and her head in between Lexa's shoulder and neck. She traced patterns on any of Clarke's exposed skin, content as her love's breath was steady. 

Clarke had melted into her. Lexa could feel the muscle beneath her skin that she knew Clarke hadn't always had. She could feel the strong heartbeat in the blonde's chest. She traced the features of her face. The gentle slope of her nose, her soft eyelids and even softer lips, parted slightly as she slept. Lexa noticed the slight furrowing of Clarke's eyebrows and wondered how the younger girl managed to be that stressed even at rest. 

Lexa was in the middle of using her thumb to smooth out the wrinkle in Clarke's forehead when the blonde tensed. She thought she had woken her and apologized, "I am sorry for waking you, Skai Prisa, go back to sleep." But Clarke didn't open her eyes. Lexa watched as Clarke whimpered and flinched in her arms. All she could do was hold her tighter when she started thrashing around from a nightmare. Lexa flinched when Clarke elbowed her stomach, her wound throbbing slightly, but she only held on tighter.

Her heart broke as Clarke started screaming, tears screaming down her face, and yet she wouldn't open her eyes. Lexa had had nightmares, but never something like this. She wasn't sure what to do, so she just held her and whispered in her ear, "Clarke. I'm here, Clarke. I'm okay." She finally managed to break through to Clarke and her favorite blue eyes flew open, filled with dread. 

Clarke immediately threw her arms around Lexa, shoulders shaking from the force of her sobs. Lexa traced circles on her back and kissed her forehead, waiting for her to clam down. Clarke whimpered as she buried her face in Lexa's chest, "Nou bants ai. Beja. Nou nodotaim." 

Lexa took a deep breath in and exhaled, holding Clarke as close as she could, "Nowe."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ai laik kep yu hir nat, ai hodness- I'm keeping you here tonight, my love  
> Nou bants ai. Beja. Nou nodotaim- Don't leave me. Please. Not again  
> Nowe- Never


	10. Nightbloods

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The 100 was created by Kass Morgan and adapted to TV by Jason Rothenberg. I do not own the characters or the world of The 100 except for those I create.
> 
> Aden-B-15 Trishana Kru (Glowing Forest Clan)  
> Lily-G-6 Trikru (Woods Clan)  
> Nova-G-9 Delfikru (Delphi Clan)  
> Cass-B-14 Ouskejon Kru (Blue Cliff Clan)  
> Haven-G-16 Yujleda (Broadleaf Clan)  
> Muse-G-10 Floukru (Boat People)  
> Arwen-B-16 Azgeda (Ice Nation)  
> Pan-B-7 Sankru (Desert Clan)  
> Ash-B-13 Podakru (Lake People)  
> Gabriel-B-12 Ingranrona Kuru (Plain Riders)  
> Mist-G-15 Boudalan Kuru (Rockline Clan)  
> Ryden-B-8 Louwoda Kliron (Shallow Valley Clan)

Lexa continued to heal and get stronger over the next few days. They stayed together in bed most of the time, Lexa content to just hold Clarke and be in her presence, and Clarke, allowing her body to gain back its strength, was constantly either resting or sleeping. Lexa only woke her up for meals, and noticed that Clarke had been forcing herself to eat a little bit more each time. It had been three days since the night of Clarke's worst nightmare yet, and Clarke was, for once, awake and ready for conversation. They spoke softly and gently, their fingers intertwined as their hearts beat against one another's. 

"Clarke, can I ask you something?"

"Of course you can."

"What do you see when you close your eyes? What is causing you so much pain that you scream in your sleep?" Lexa asked concerned for her lover's mind.

Clarke looked down, face flushed with embarrassment, she hadn't screamed in her sleep since she was in her cell on the ark. "Well, it's kind of a long story." She answered, dodging the question and hoping Lexa wouldn't notice. But this was Lexa, she noticed everything.

"One, you didn't answer any of my questions. And two, if you haven't noticed, we've got nothing but time right now." She sighed and forced Clarke to meet her gaze. "I respect that you do not wish to speak of these things in fear of burdening me. But you are mine, and your burdens are mine to carry as well. You are not alone in this. Whatever this is, I want to help you get through it."

Clarke nodded, "I see you getting shot." She choked out, "Every night. And there's nothing I can do to stop it. And I'm trapped and it's...well, it's heavy," she couldn't think to describe it any other way, "and I don't want it, but it's always there. I can fight against it when I'm awake. But when I'm asleep... it's like someone cut the invisible string and it comes crashing down on top of me before I have the chance to run. It pins me down and crushes my lungs and I can't breathe. And I try to scream, but nothing comes out..." She laughed without humor, "at lease not in my dreams...I guess it does come out though. Sorry about that, by the way." She finished embarrassed still.

Lexa smiled and kissed Clarke softly, "Do not apologize, Klark. We all have demons to fight. I'm glad I can be here to assist you in fighting yours." They lied together once again in silence before Lexa spoke, "I'm sorry, Clarke." Clarke's forehead scrunched in confusion, "What are you sorry for?" Lexa sighed, pulling Clarke closer.

"Everything, Clarke. I am so sorry for everything. It seems as though every hard choice you've ever had to make is because of me. I sent my army to your camp, you had to kill three hundred warriors. I forced you to leave with me, you were forced to watch a missile fall on TonDC and your friends." Lexa swallowed, her guilt forming a knot in her stomach, "I left at the mountain. And I forced you to pull that lever. I forced you into the role of Wanheda. And I am so sorry for that, Clarke." 

Clarke shook her head, wiping the tears softly flowing down Lexa's cheeks. "Hey. Hey, no. Lexa, you are not responsible for any of my actions. I am. I know you, you want to take this burden for me. But I won't let you, it's not yours to carry. I don't blame you. I don't think I ever really did. I love you." Lexa smiled and kissed her forehead, "I love you as well, Klark kom Skaikru."

\--------------------------------------------

There was a sudden knock on the door and Clarke moved to lay next to, instead of on top of, Lexa as the Commander called, "Enter." One of the guards stepped into view, "My apologies, Heda, but they have not stopped asking to see you." Lexa smiled softly and nodded, "Send them in."

The next thing Clarke knew there were twelve children rushing into their bed, or going around the side to hug Lexa. Clarke turned to her wide eyed, but the brunette just laughed. "Missed me, did you?" The Nightbloods in turn snuggled as close to Lexa as they could. 

It was Aden who spoke first, "They would not tell us of your condition, Lexa, we simply spent the days fearing the worst." She ruffled Aden's hair and hugged some of the younger kids close. "I am alright. Might fight continues strong, thanks to Clarke. Clarke," she continued, turning to the blonde, "you've met the Natblidas?" Clarke nodded, "Once or twice." Lexa turned back to the little ones crowding their bed, "Well, go on. Introduce yourselves." 

"Ai laik Aden kom Trishana Kru."

"Ai laik Lily kom Trikru." 

"Ai laik Nova kom Delfikru." 

"Ai laik Cass kom Ouskejon Kru." 

"Ai laik Haven kom Yujleda." 

"Ai laik Muse kom Floukru." 

"Ai laik Arwen kom Azgeda." 

"Ai laik Pan kom Sankru." 

"Ai laik Ash kom Podakru."   

"Ai laik Gabriel kom Ingranrona Kuru."  

"Ai laik Mist kom Boudalan Kuru."

"Ai laik Ryden kom Louwoda Kliron."

Clarke smiled, committing the names to memory. "Ai laik Klark kom..." Clarke paused, her smile falling, unsure of whether she was still a part of Skaikru. She tried again, "Ai laik Klark." She noticed Lexa nodding in understanding.

Muse blushed, her soft voice filling the room, "Sha. Wanheda." Lexa snapped when she saw Clarke  flinch at the name, "You will address Klark as Klark and no other as that is her name. That goes for all of you. Am I understood?" They all nodded, "Sha, Heda." And like that, they were all relaxed and joking again. 

Clarke dozed off as the Nightbloods told Lexa about their days, some of the older ones playing a game with cards. She watched as they all seemed to unconsciously gravitate closer to Lexa when she shifted, how they all turned to her with worried looks when she coughed, and how the youngest, who was no more than six, curled into Lexa's side as she slept, laying her head on Lexa's shoulder.

When dinner was brought, Clarke declined. The Nightbloods were describing their dreams between mouthfuls of meat, fruit, and bread. Lexa listened intently, offering her wisdom or a lesson about being Heda. She laughed with them after a particularly silly dream from Pan, a little boy of only seven winters.

She noticed that Clarke's laughter did not join theirs and turned to see her with her eyes closed and mouth slightly open, her blonde hair splayed out over the pillows. Lexa smiled at the sight of her love surrounded by her novitiates. This was her family.

  -------------------------------------------- 

They continued talking late into the night, the Natblidas updating her on the politics that she had missed in the week she had been asleep and her days of bed rest. Not much was happening other than Titus' execution, which was set for whenever Lexa was healed and able to sentence him officially. 

The younger ones had fallen asleep curled up together on the couch and others on her floor, more still sat in her bed conversing with her in the candle light. Aden moved some of Clarke's hair from her face, "She skipped dinner again, Heda." Lexa sighed, "I know."

"We watched her save you. Titus had been late for our training session and so we went in search of him. We heard the gunshots and turned down the hallway to see guards dragging Titus from Clarke's room. We walked in to see what was happening and saw her removing the bullet. We took turns giving you blood for transfusions after you had gone unconscious. Haven and I were the only other ones there when your heart stopped for the second time."

Lexa gasped, her heart had stopped a second time? Her fight had not ended once, but twice? Aden continued, "We held hands when your heart stopped and watched as Clarke brought you back. She was sobbing the whole time, screaming and swearing at you to come back to her. When your heart started again, she collapsed to the floor. Haven and I held her up. We were the only ones allowed into your room in that week, along with Murphy. We took care of her for you, as much as she would allow us to." 

Lexa felt tears in her eyes at what she had put Clarke through. It suddenly all made sense, the nightmares and skipped meals, screaming in her sleep, Clarke was traumatized from Lexa's death. "She really loves you, Lex." said Ash. Lexa smiled as a few tears escaped her eyes, "And I her." At this the Nightbloods smiled. 

Lexa straightened up, "Let this be the greatest lesson to you all on being Heda, Hodnes nou laik kwelnes. Hodnes laik uf." They all nodded and repeated, "Hodnes nou laik kwelnes. Hodnes laik uf." They went back to telling stories, almost all the novitiates asleep. 

Haven was telling Lexa about the new foals that were just born in the stables as Lexa closed her eyes. They were interrupted by a whimper. At first Haven thought it was one of the younger Nightbloods having a bad dream, but she quickly discovered it to be Clarke, and shook Lexa's shoulder under her eyes snapped open. She was instantly alert when she saw the panic of Haven's face, "What is wrong, Haven?" 

"It's Klark, Leksa."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hodnes nou laik kwelnes. Hodnes laik uf- Love is not weakness. Love is strength


	11. Prisoner 319

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke has a nightmare about her time in the Skybox. She seeks out a friend for help. Ends with cute, sleepy Lexa.
> 
> If you don't like this change I made to Clarke's story, don't worry, it won't be a super/major thing. I just thought it would make an interesting change and development in her character, and it opens up my possibilities for the story. It will come back up again, but not very frequently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The 100 was created by Kass Morgan and adapted to TV by Jason Rothenberg. I do not own the characters or the world of The 100 except for those I create.

The cell was concrete, with one way in and no windows. There was no way to tell how much time was passing or if it was day or night, by the light at least. Clarke knew when it was nighttime. They only visited her at night. The design of the room was disorienting, if you spent enough time there, you could forget your own name, and she had. She was in complete isolation, unlike all the other people locked up. She hadn't heard her own voice since she was locked up, only the sound of her screams.

She had eight feet by ten feet to move around, when she had enough strength to push herself off of the ground. The blank walls were cold and grey, and there used to be a bed, but it had been removed a while ago. Now, there were only chains on the wall and silence. They only fed her once every day, keeping her weak and unable to fight.

She had been lying on the ground all day, willing herself to heal from the previous night, hoping she would be able to fight back this time. The door opened with a loud bang and three shadowy figures entered her cell. She lifted her head, vision blurry. Two men, one woman. She dropped her head once again, accepting her fate. She had stopped fighting long ago. 

The first man grabbed her arms and hauled her off the floor. He slammed her against the wall and she whimpered as the other two chained her to the wall. "We've had a stressful day, 319. I'm glad you're here to help us out." His hand found her throat, cutting off her air supply. She strained back into the wall, tears escaping her eyes. He released her once black spots danced in her vision and her head slumped forward. 

They took turns assaulting her body. Fists and feet met soft, pale skin, leaving purple blossoms in their wake. She kept her screams to a minimum, knowing this was just their warm up. She closed her eyes as the blows continued, think back to the time when she had asked why they did this to her. She had come to recognize that they beat her because they could. She was in isolation, there was no one to tell of her tragedy.

When they were done, they unchained her. She fell to the floor ungracefully. The woman grabbed her upper arm and pulled her roughly to her feet. "We need a photo identification. Open your eyes." She opened her eyes as she was told, and flinched at the bright flash. She caught a glimpse of herself and saw the blood dripping from her temple, down her face, and onto her neck. The woman left the room with one of the men, but the other called out, "You guys go. I'll be there soon. I have some things to discuss with 319."

Clarke flinched at the sound of the door shutting and heavy footsteps coming closer. His boot connected with her ribs, and she flipped onto her stomach. He tore open the back of her shirt, and she heard the electricity running through the shock baton. She felt the cool metal of it against her skin before she felt the pain. He did this too many times to count, adding to the scars on her back. She screamed until her throat was raw and tried to even then.

The guard grew tired of her and flipped her over so she was facing him. Her head lolled to the side, no strength left to hold it up. "Never forget what you are. You're nothing. A number on a wall. 319. And that's all you will ever be." 

The last thing she heard before unconsciousness took her was the man unzipping his pants. 

\--------------------------------------------------

Clarke eyes snapped open as she awoke from her nightmare. Her heart was pounding and her whole body was covered in sweat. She jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder, "Clarke. Clarke look at me. Are you alright?" Clarke nodded, her hands shaking as she pushed the furs back from her body. "Clarke, where are you going?" She made her made her way across the room and to the door, "I'm sorry, I- I need to go." She said as she turned and ran from the room.

\-----------------------------------------------------

Octavia woke to the sound of someone pounding the door. She shifted in Lincoln's arms, hoping not to wake him, but it was no use, he stirred, "Tavia?" "Shh. Go back to sleep." She stood and moved towards the door, the knocking still sounding panicked and insistent. Lincoln sat up, "Octavia, what's going on?"

Octavia reached the door and it flung open as soon as her hand touched the handle. Something collided with her and she instinctively wrapped her arms around the form when she noticed the blonde hair of the girl that had thrown herself into Octavia's arms. Clarke was shaking considerably and letting out small sobs. Octavia grew more and more worried, "Clarke? Hey, you're okay. What happened, Princess?"

But Clarke couldn't speak. She was still stuck in that cell. She could still feel their hands on her body. Still felt the bruises and scars and aches as if they were fresh wounds. She noticed movement over Octavia's shoulder and looked up to see a man coming towards her. She jumped back and when he kept coming closer, she walked backwards until she hit the wall, flinching as her didn't stop his advancement. 

Octavia noticed the distress Clarke was under and called out sharply, "Lincoln. Stop." He looked at her questioningly, but thankfully backed away. Octavia knew that if Clarke didn't calm down soon, she was going to black out, and seeing her reaction to Lincoln and the unfocused look in her eyes, she knew exactly where Clarke was. She stepped in front of her friend, watching her flinch when Octavia got close.

"Clarke. It's me. It's Octavia. You're in my room. In Polis. We're on the ground, Princess. Come back to me."

It took a minute or two, which seemed to last forever, but eventually, Clarke seemed to realize where she actually was. She choked out, "Octavia?" and her knees collapsed beneath her. The dark haired girl caught her and lowered them to the floor, pulling the blonde into her arms she wept. "I-I-" She cried, "They- He-He-" She sobbed. "Shh." replied Octavia, "I know. You're safe now."

She finally managed to get Clarke to calm down and asked, "When was the last time you've had that dream?" Clarke shuddered and sighed before quietly replying, "I think the last time was when almost everyone on the Dropship got sick because of Murphy. I tried helping everyone and eventually I got sick too. I slept a lot and I had that nightmare." Clarke looked down at her hands, "It usually happens after I've been in a situation where I feel helpless."

Octavia sighed, "So when Lexa died, you felt helpless and that brought up all these deeply buried memories?" Clarke nodded. Octavia stood up, keeping Clarke cradled in her arms, she walked them slowly to the bed after she had made Lincoln move to the far wall. She layed Clarke down and lied down next to her stroking her blonde hair. "Is it okay if I have Lincoln come over here and check on you?" Clarke thought about it for a moment, still weary from the nightmare, and nodded slowly.

\----------------------------------------------------- 

The few Nightbloods that were still awake watched as Lexa paced at the foot of the bed. She had wanted to rush after her the moment the door shut. The look of panic that had been on Clarke's face... she would never forget that look. It was her Nightbloods that convinced her to stay put, telling her that Clarke would need her to be there when she came back.

The was a small knock at the door, and Lexa answered it herself. Octavia walked in carrying a sleeping Clarke, Lincoln trailing behind them. "Is she alright?" She asked as Octavia placed Clarke on the bed, and sat beside her, their fingers intertwined. It was Lincoln who answered her as she stopped pacing, "She is." Lexa felt a weight being lifted from her shoulders, "What happened?" Octavia spoke as she moved some hair from Clarke's face, "She had a nightmare. Lincoln gave her some stronger medicine. She should be okay until morning." 

Lexa thanked them, moving back to her bed and crawling back in. Octavia sighed, knowing she would have to leave her friend. She kissed Clarke's forehead and then the back of the hand that she held, "Sleep well, Princess. Stay strong." She stood and met Lincoln at the door. They turned back, "Reshop, Heda." Lexa nodded in thanks, "Reshop, Oktevia. Reshop, Linkon." They left, closing the door with a soft click.

The Nightbloods had all fallen asleep all around the room when Lexa pulled Clarke into her front, wrapping an arm protectively around her waist. She nuzzled into the back of Clarke's neck and kissed the skin there. She closed her eyes, "Reshop, ai hodnes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I PROMISE I PLAN FOR THE STORY TO GET HAPPIER SOON!!!!


	12. Breakfast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The 100 was created by Kass Morgan and adapted to TV by Jason Rothenberg. I do not own the characters or the world of The 100 except for those I create.

Lexa woke to an emptier room than she fell asleep in. The Nightbloods had all woken up and left for breakfast before their morning training with Titus. Her arm was still securely around Clarke's waist. Lexa untangled herself from the bed and opened the balcony doors. The morning air was cool and crisp, but she knew it would be hot later.

She walked back to the bed and snuggled once again into Clarke's neck, playing with the baby hairs around her neck. Clarke shifted and turned, her head on Lexa's chest as Clarke kissed her collar bone. Lexa smiled, "Good morning, Clarke." Clarke groaned, not in the slightest a morning person, and mumbled a raspy, "Morning, Lex."before she nuzzled back into her chest. Lexa kissed Clarke's forehead and stood, not missing Clarke's grumble of protest.

Lexa changed into one of her lighter sets of armor and turned to find blue eyes watching her. "Would you like to join me for breakfast in the throne room today, ai hodness?" Clarke nodded, "Can you help me get dressed?" Lexa nodded, "Of course. Come." Clarke got up and reached for Lexa's outstretched hand.

Clarke felt sluggish from whatever Lincoln had given her last night. Lexa's hands were soft and gentle as she helped her strip down to her chest binding and boyshorts. She helped Clarke slide on some tight, black pants and tied up her boots. She guided a shirt over the blonde's head and stepped behind her to lace up the back. That's when she saw the scars.

Lexa gasped, she knew that Clarke's body held scars, but she didn't know the extent. Sure, she had felt them run beneath her finger tips during their night together, but she had never seen them so up close. Clarke always wore clothes and armor that covered her back, she hadn't stopped to think about why. Now that Lexa thought about it, Clarke had always avoided having Lexa touch the skin on her back. She was ashamed of her scars, Lexa thought. Tears formed in Lexa's eyes at the thought that Clarke couldn't see what these scars meant. They were symbols of the blonde girl's strength, her ability to overcome. They made her who she was, told her story. They made her even more beautiful. 

Clarke heard a quiet gasp from behind her. She stiffened, waiting for questions to begin flying at her. Instead, she felt Lexa's lips against her skin, kissing each of the ugly, jagged scars that her back held. A string inside of her broke, one that had been too tightly wound for months now, and tears ran down Clarke's face.

She had expected many reactions when Lexa finally saw her scarred body, but kindness and reverence had not crossed her mind. She felt the words breathed against her skin, "I'm sorry." Clarke's jaw clenched and she took in a shuddering breath, "What's done is done."

Clarke felt Lexa lacing up her top as she continued to kiss the scars in her path. As her shirt tightened around her body, Clarke calmed herself down again. With one final kiss to the back of her neck, Lexa came to stand in front of her once again. She held Clarke's face in her hands and wiped the last remains of tears from her cheeks.

Clarke leaned forward hand kissed Lexa. Her kiss spoke the words for her. Thank you. Thank you for not asking. Thank you for just understanding. They pulled away and rested their foreheads together for a moment. Lexa leaned forward and pecked Clarke's lips once more, whispering, "Ai hodness. Ai gona." She entangled their hands and pulled Clarke to the door, "Come. Food is waiting."

Their entrance was announced as the doors to the throne room opened. Lincoln and Octavia stood from their places at the table along with everyone else joining them for breakfast, mostly they were important people from other clans who were visiting Polis. Everyone bowed their heads respectfully, waiting for them to sit before once again taking their seats. "Morning, Princess." Octavia greeted, happily. Clarke smiled as much as she could manage, "Morning, O."

They ate quietly, most of the conversation taking place between Clarke and Octavia. "Oh, Clarke, I forgot to tell you. I'm heading back to Arkadia today to invite everyone to the festival. Want me to bring you anything back?" Clarke was confused, "Festival?"

It was Lexa who answered, "In one week's time, Polis will be holding a week long celebration in honor of the first full moon of the season. An invitation has been extended to all 13 clans." Clarke hummed and nodded, she knew she was going to have to face everyone again eventually.

She tuned back to Octavia, "Everyone's going to be here for a week?" When the younger girl nodded she continued, "Wanna bring me back a week's worth of Monty's moonshine?" Octavia broke out with laughter and the blonde couldn't hold hers in either. Lexa smiled softly at the sound, it had been a while since she had heard that sound. "Unfortunately, Princess, Kane found the stash and threatened lashes, I don't know if there is any more. But for you? I'll see what I can do."

The mood in the room shifted when Clarke asked, "He threatened lashes?" Octavia nodded slowly, noticing how stiff Clarke suddenly was, "They said the ground would be different. They don't want to detain or kill us anymore, so they found other ways to punish even the smallest infraction." Lexa had been confused and was thankful when Lincoln asked, "What are lashes?"

Both girls from the Ark flinched, each having some experience, though one certainly more than the other. It was Octavia who found her voice to answer, though she was speaking slowly and timidly, "Well, remember when Finn was dying and we had you?" He nodded. "And Raven...she um..." He nodded again. "Yeah...so, it's that...um...over and over again, but slightly less intense." They all heard, but chose to ignore Clarke when she mumbled, "Oh trust me, it can be worse than live wires."

Lexa was taken aback. "And they do that to children?" Octavia shrugged, "Their bodies are stronger down here. They can take more." Clarke sighed, meeting her friends gaze, "And those who still have parents? They don't argue because at least their kid's alive, right?" Octavia nodded and Clarke sighed again. "Is it public like it was on the Ark?" Octavia flinched again, "Right in the middle of camp."

Lexa had to know, though she already had the answer, "Has this happened to you? Clarke? Octavia?" When both girls nodded, rage flooded her. She stood and slammed her fist on the table, causing Clarke to jump. She apologized and tried to reign in her anger, not wanting to frighten her love. "That's barbaric. And they call US savages?"

Octavia laughed bitterly, "In their eyes, it's fair...merciful even. They used to just lock us up until they could kill us." Lexa sat once again, "And you were both locked up like this?" Before Octavia could say anything else, Clarke jumped up from her spot, "Okay! New subject for discussion, please!" She glared slightly at Octavia for bringing up the SkyBox and turned to Lexa, "So. What are our plans for today?"

Lexa was thrown slightly by the topic change, but respected that Clarke needed space from that conversation. "Well, we have a meeting with the ambassadors this morning. I'm training the Nightbloods later, which you are more than welcome to accompany me with. And then, I believe Lincoln had something planned for you?" She finished, turning to him.

Lincoln smiled, "Lexa thought you may like to have some actual combat training. Octavia and I volunteered to take up your training. Since she is riding into Arkadia, I figured I could handle your first session." Clarke grinned, "That would be wonderful. Thank you."


	13. Soul Bonds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The 100 was created by Kass Morgan and adapted to TV by Jason Rothenberg. I do not own the characters or the world of The 100 except for those I create.

Her back hit the dirt with a loud thud. Clarke wasn't sure how many times she had hit the ground in the last hour, but she was starting to get used to the feeling of having the wind knocked out of her... and that probably wasn't a good thing. A voice came from above her. "Nodotaim." 

~flashback~

She followed behind Lincoln as he led her quickly through the winding streets of the Polis market. Suddenly, Lincoln turned and stopped in front of a vendor, causing Clarke to run into him. Blushing, she apologized and turned to the man. She was slightly confused because he sat behind a small table in front of a rather large and closed off tent. Most of the other vendors had very open tents so you could see their products. Clarke wondered why this was any different.

Lincoln greeted him, "Aris." The man smiled at them, "Linkon. Wanheda. What can I help you with?" Lincoln spoke, "She needs to be fitted." Aris turned to Clarke and nodded, speaking fondly, "Of course. Please, step inside." When neither of the men moved to follow, Clarke pushed open the tent flap and stepped inside alone.

Clarke stepped inside and found herself surrounded by swords of all kinds. From small daggers to long-swords and anything in between. She gasped, they were beautiful.

"Hei, Wanheda." Called a woman, standing from where she had been crouching in front of a small fire. "My name is Henna." Clarke nodded, "Hello, Henna, and please, call me Clarke." She smiled and nodded, "I take it this is your first fitting, Clarke?" Clarke simply nodded, walking to where the woman was setting different swords on the table, pulling only certain ones off of the walls as she kept glancing back at Clarke.

"The fitting of a sword to a warrior is a very sacred action, Clarke. It's an intimate things, the bonding of a soldier and their weapon. You are here to find an extension of yourself. That's why neither my husband, nor your friend followed you in here." Clarke made a soft noise of agreement, gazing at the swords on the table in front of her. "How will I know?" Henna just smiled, backing up to the door on the far side of the tent, "You'll know. No two swords are alike. Each is made to connect with a single soul. When you feel that, trust me, you'll know." She pulled open the door, "When you have chosen, call for me."

Clarke stepped up to the table and allowed her fingertips to run over the blades as she observed them. Some swords were similar to the two she had seen Lexa use. Light metal, thin, and long. Others reminded her of Octavia's. Shorter, heavier, and holding a jagged edge like that of a machete. She noted how every sword she had seen her friends use had glistened in the sun's rays.

Clarke's fingers stilled over the one sword on the table that was so completely different from the rest, and from any she had ever seen. She curved her hand around the hilt and picked it up, and everything inside of her just clicked.

It was medium in length, the length of her shoulder to her knuckled, and just slightly wider than her bicep. Though on the heavier side, it was still perfectly light to wield, and the metal did not glisten in the sun, for it was matte and as black as the night.

She gasped at the feeling and without looking up from the sword she called out, "Henna." When she finally did tear her eyes away, she found Henna staring at her with a huge grin on her face. "Congratulations, Clarke." Stepping forward she kneeled on the ground and raised both of her palms up, "May I?"

Clarke handed it to her and followed her to the fire, watching as Henna placed it into the flames. "All blades are kept dull until chosen." Clarke nodded, crouching beside her. Henna waited for the blade to glow before placing it on her work table, Clarke followed. "Would you like me to add anything to it, Clarke?" She was confused, "Like what?" Henna smiled, "Some choose an inscription to make to bond even greater, though you do not have to."

Clarke thought for a moment and was just about to speak when the woman added, "Just note that anything engraved into the blade will remove the tint, making the inscription silver." Clarke nodded, "A star."

Henna smiled, not looking up, and finished sharpening the blade on both sides. "Where?" She asked, grabbing the tool she needed. Clarke watched from the other side of the table. "A small outline of a star. Close to the hilt on each side of the blade. More to the left edge than the center." Henna nodded, completing the sword and dunking it into a deep tub of water. Clarke watched as smoke rose into the air and the water sizzled against the hot metal.

Henna then repeated the process with a matching small dagger and two black, leather sheaths. She dried the two blades and grabbed the sheaths before joining Clarke in the middle of the room.

Henna strapped the sheath properly to Clarke's left thigh before sliding the dagger into it. She stood and asked, "Would you prefer to wield your sword on your hip or on your back?" Clarke thought for a few moments before deciding, "My back, please." Henna strapped it quickly into place before she pulled Clarke into a hug, "Congratulations again, Clarke." She stepped back and smiled, "Thank you, Henna." They clasped forearms in a traditional handshake.

Clarke stepped out of the tent and smiled when she met Lincoln's eyes. He laughed, "I take it things went well?" He teased as they began walking again. She knocked into him and laughed, "Shof op." 

~end flashback~

Lincoln offered a hand to help her up. "You know," Clarke groaned, "I don't think getting my ass kicked over and over again is going to help my fighting skills." "Okay. We can take a break from sparring," Lincoln nodded to the side of the ring, "Grab your sword."

She did as she was told and Lincoln led her over to a huge tree on the edge of the field they were training in. It was one of the Commander's private training grounds, so there was, thankfully, no one there to watch her fail each time she tried to land a blow on Lincoln.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nodotaim- again  
> Shof op- Shut up


	14. How is She?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The 100 was created by Kass Morgan and adapted to TV by Jason Rothenberg. I do not own the characters or the world of The 100 except for those I create.

Lincoln unsheathed his sword and carved a deep X into the middle of the tree trunk. "Do you remember the motions I taught you a few days ago?" Clarke nodded and wiped the sweat from her forehead, thankful she had decided to wear a tank top. Clarke twirled her sword in her hand a few times and Lincoln laughed, "Eager are we?"

Clarke laughed, "Eager to show you how much I've improved." They had started as soon as breakfast had ended, just as they had been doing all week. They started with swords, going over motions until the sun was high overhead. They stopped to eat a small lunch and then started hand to hand combat which turned into sparring. For the past five days, like clockwork. 

They still had about an hour before sunset and Clarke was determined to show Lincoln how much she had already refined her skills. She felt like she had something to prove, being from the Ark. She continued to twirl her sword, getting reacquainted with the weight.

She worked on different combinations of stabs and slashes, turning from side to side and sometimes spinning her whole body around for momentum. She had hit the mark every time. Bringing her sword in an arch around her body, she hit the X one final time right in the center and turned to Lincoln, her eyebrows raised, "Well? How was that?"

He seemed stunned, "Are you sure you've never picked up a blade before?" Clarke shook her head, "Not until a few days ago. We didn't have them on the Ark. And even down here, Octavia had the only one." Pulling her sword from the tree and sheathing it on her back, she ran a hand through her hair before lightly tracing the marks she had made. "So I'm guessing I wasn't that bad?"

He laughed, "Bad? Clarke, you just showed skills we usually don't teach for months. I know I didn't show you half of that. How did you figure out the combinations?" Clarke was slightly confused, "Uh... I don't know. I guess I just did whatever felt right." Lincoln laughed and shook his head, "Alright, well. Keep doing that." Clarke laughed, "Okay."

As the sun began to set, they walked side by side over to their pile of training gear. Lincoln handed her a small container of water, which she took gratefully. They sat in the grass, drinking water, and watched as the sun got lower in the sky.

"Clarke? May I ask you something?" Lincoln asked, continuing to watch the sky. "Sure." She answered, watching his expression from the corner of her eye. "When I was coming towards you. A few nights ago, after you ran into our room. Who did you actually see coming towards you?" Clarke sighed, trying to figure out the best way to say it without spilling her whole story.

Lincoln thought she wasn't going to answer, and afraid he had overstepped, he opened his mouth to ask a different question, but then her voice carried through the silence. "His name was Jonathan. He was one of the guards on the Ark. Let's just say that he didn't like me that much and leave it at that, okay?"

He turned to her and found her already watching him. He nodded, respecting her boundaries. "I am here, Clarke. If ever you should need to speak to someone." The blonde nodded, "Thank you, Lincoln." 

"Is this all your training has come to today?" They turned quickly and saw Lexa leaning against one of the trees on the edge of the ring. Lincoln bowed his head, "Heda. We were simply finishing the day with conversation." Lexa smiled, "How is she?" Lincoln smiled, "Clarke is better than anticipated, Leksa. Her skills are fair and she is quick and eager to learn." Clarke stood, "You know? I am right here." 

She walked over and hugged Lexa, burying her face in her neck and breathing in her unique scent. "Hi." She whispered. Lexa kissed the top of her head, "Hello, Clarke. How was training with Lincoln today? Did you enjoy yourself?" Clarke nodded, "Yeah."

Lexa smiled, "I am glad." She expected Clarke to step back, but the blonde continued to cling to her. Holding her tightly, Lexa asked, "Is everything alright, hodnes?" Clarke didn't reply for a few minutes, knowing how stupid she was about to sound. But, not wanting to worry Lexa, she answered quietly, "I miss you."

Lexa smiled softly. They had been spending so much time together as Lexa healed, and she had spent the last week of meetings wishing to be in Clarke's embrace too. "I miss you as well, Clarke." She kissed the blonde lightly before stepping back. "Would you show me what Lincoln has taught you?" Clarke blushed, nervous of not being good enough. 

When Lexa noticed her avoiding eye contact, she placed her fingers under Clarke's chin and guided Clarke's gaze to meet her own. "Please, Clarke. I simply wish to see what areas need work. I am not expecting you to suddenly be a trained warrior." Clarke nodded and turned to Lincoln.

When he saw Clarke's expression, he knew he was in for it. Looking back to Lexa, it was clear that her 'soothing' words had only make Clarke more determined. Determined for what, he wasn't exactly sure, but it was clear that Lexa didn't understand what she'd done.

Lincoln turned back to find Clarke standing in the middle of the ring, twirling her sword in her hands. Sighing, Lincoln grabbed his own sword and moved to stand opposite her. He saw Clarke watching his movements, her eyes calculating.

Lexa gasped when her gaze landed on Clarke drawing a sword from her back. She hadn't noticed it earlier. Seeing it now surprised her. Had Lincoln taken her to be bonded? Lexa frowned, she had wanted to be there when Clarke found her sword. But, even still, Clarke had no where near enough training to be sparring against Lincoln with a weapon. 

Lexa paced nervously on the side of the field as the fight began, her eyes fixed on Clarke.

Clarke let her instinct guide her movements. She was entirely focused on beating Lincoln. She had to prove that she wasn't some weak little girl from the Ark. She had to prove she was worthy of a grounder. Worthy of the Commander.

When Henna had explained soul bonds to her this morning, Clarke had been skeptical. But now, she had to admit, she felt something when she fought with her sword. Something deep inside of her that was guiding and protecting her.

Clarke's inner monologue was interrupted when Lincoln swiftly disarmed her. She grunted at the impact and watched her only weapon fly across the ring boundary. Refusing to give in, she steeled her gaze and sunk into a more stable stance used for hand to hand. Or in this case...hand to sword.

She noticed Lincoln's eyes widened when she continued to fight, though Clarke was clearly at a disadvantage. Though she couldn't see it, Lexa's eyes widened as well. What is she doing? She's going to get herself hurt! She resumed pacing, this time faster and closer to the ring.

It seemed to take ages, but eventually Clarke was able to use Lincoln's lapse in focus against him, though it was only a second as his eyes scanned the treeline. She spun and kicked his wrist, smirking as his sword slid out of the ring. 

Her smile faded when she realized that she had yet to win against Lincoln in hand to hand.


	15. No Matter Where You Come From

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The 100 was created by Kass Morgan and adapted to TV by Jason Rothenberg. I do not own the characters or the world of The 100 except for those I create.

Clarke waited for Lincoln to throw the first punch. The had been circling each other for a while, neither ready to step up and attack first. Clarke wasn't ready for this, she knew it deep down. She wasn't a trained warrior like Lincoln was. She hadn't picked up a gun until she was on the ground, and now she couldn't even look at one. The Grounders where trained how to fight from the time they could walk, and attacking someone superior to you with a weapon was deemed brave, but Clarke had grown up inside metal walls with harsh laws.

She was too caught up in her mind to notice Lincoln stepping forward and throwing a punch. There was no time to react and suddenly his fist was slamming into her jaw. Blood pooled in her mouth as her head whipped to the side. She coughed and gagged, spitting out a mixture of blood and saliva into the sand. She retaliated with a kick to his stomach, which she was lucky to land. He grunted, but seemed virtually unaffected.

They broke apart to catch their breath before diving back at each other, each determined to win under the gaze of the Commander. Clarke managed to dodge Lincoln's next punch and threw her own. She watched his deep brown eyes widen slightly before he tilted his head back, throwing it forward and into her own.

Black spots danced in her vision and she stumbled back, refusing to fall to the ground. She tried to shake off the dizziness and threw a sloppy kick in his direction, which Lincoln blocked easily. She squeezed her eyes shut and took a deep breath, not opening them until she heard him laugh.

\-------------------------------------------------------

Lincoln could tell that this wasn't just a fight to Clarke. He had ended up throwing the first punch, hoping to beat her quickly so they could go back to the city, but she wasn't giving up. She had managed to land a swift kick to his gut, and he had to respect that for a smaller woman, she had a lot of power in her muscles.

The ground seemed to have hardened Clarke in similar ways that he had seen it harden Octavia. He found another opening and, hoping to once again take her down, slammed is forehead into hers. He noticed the commander wince from the corner of his eye and felt bad. She shouldn't have to see this. But Lincoln also wanted to understand why this fight seemed so different.

He watched as Clarke struggled to stay on her feet, closing her eyes to refocus. He looked over at Lexa and hoped she could see in his eyes how sorry he was for what he was about to do. He was finally starting to get an idea of what this fight was to Clarke. But he had to make sure.

He laughed, and watched her blue gaze seek his own, no less intense than at the beginning of their fight. "Is that all you have, Clarke?" He felt horrible saying this, but he needed to provoke her, make her reckless. So he continued, "I can see why the Sky People are so weak." His words seemed to have their desired effect and he watched as a new flame erupted in her eyes.

She ran towards him, and he had to admit, she fought hard for a few minutes. But Clarke's body was exhausted, and anger had taken away from her form. So it wasn't really that hard for Lincoln to land a series of punches and kicks that took her to the ground.

He kneeled over her, pining down her legs with his knees and her arms with his hands. He was surprised as she still fought him, trying desperately to break his hold, though it was futile. Lincoln could see the glint of tears in her eyes before she closed them, body going limp beneath him. She was accepting defeat.

"Clarke." He spoke softly, not wanting Lexa to hear as she walked over to them. "You have nothing to prove." She opened her eyes and a few tears escaped. "Yes. I do. I love her, Lincoln. But I am not one of you. I have everything to prove."

Lincoln sighed and helped her up, knowing he wouldn't win this argument. Lexa finally reached them and Clarke saw a mixture of pride and fear in her eyes. As soon as she was back on her feet, Lexa's arms were around her. Clarke grunted as Lexa squeezed her bruised body a little too tightly. Lexa jumped back, "Clarke! Are you alright? Did I hurt you?" She shook her head, "I'm fine, Lexa. Just a little sore."

Knowing she would be alright, Lexa began to scold her, holding her at an arms length, "What were you thinking! Clarke, that was completely reckless!" Clarke flinched at her tone, "Sorry."

Lexa sighed, softening again, "It's alright, Clarke. I'm not upset with you. I was worried. Lincoln has been a trained fighter since he could walk. You could have been severely injured, hodnes."

Clarke looked down at the ground, "I just wanted you to see how much i've improved." Kissing her forehead, Lexa chuckled, "Yes, well, next time maybe you could impress me without being at the other end of a sword, hmm?" Clarke nodded, glad that Lexa wasn't angry with her, "Okay."

Clarke's body was crashing, the adrenaline from the fight wearing off. Suddenly she could feel every cut, bruise, and sore muscle. She sagged and thankfully the young Brunette caught her before she could hit the ground. "Alright, Clarke. Let's go home."

\-------------------------------------------------------

Lexa led Clarke back to their room. She immediately went to fill the tub with hot water. She chose an oil that would help the soreness in Clarke's muscles and another that would hopefully help her sleep, and added those once all the water was in.

Lexa unbuckled the sash she wore in public, draping it on a chair in the corner. She also removed her heavy coat, leaving her in light pants, boots, and a simple shirt. She waited a few minutes for Clarke to join her in the bathroom, but when there was no sign of the blonde, Lexa crossed back into the bedroom.

She found Clarke sitting on the edge of the bed with her head in her hands. She noticed Clarke's shoulder's shaking and knew the blonde was crying, something she didn't do often. Lexa quickly went to her side, worry etched into her expression.

When she reached her, Lexa kneeled down in front of her and placed her hands on Clarke's knees. "Clarke?" She received no response. Lexa gently pries Clarke's hands from her face and held them in her own, but Clarke still refused to meet her gaze.

"Ai hodnes, please. Look at me." Lexa pleaded. Finally, blue eyes looked up to meet green ones. Lexa frowned and her heart ached in her chest as she took in Clarke's red, puffy eyes and her tear stained cheeks. She reached up with one hand to wipe the tears away. "Tell me what is wrong, Klark."

Clarke sniffled, "I tried. I tried so hard to prove myself." More tears began to fall as she continued, "but I'm not good enough. I'm not one of you."Lexa shook her head, "You fought well, Clarke. You have nothing to prove to me or anyone else. And I do not wish for you to be Trikru. I want you to be you." Making sure to look in Clarke's eyes she finished, "You are mine, Klark kom Skaikru. No matter where you came from."

\-------------------------------------------------------

Once Clarke's tears had dried, Lexa stood and spoke softly, "Come. I got a bath ready for you."

Lexa helped Clarke undress with gentle hands and offered her a steadying hand as she stepped into the water. Lexa smiled and laughed quietly when Clarke let out a loud moan when she was sitting fully in the hot water.

Coming to the side of the tub after grabbing a bar of lavender soap, Lexa began rolling up the long sleeves of her shirt when Clarke asked in a small voice, "Will you join me?"

As much as she wanted to, Lexa shook her head, "Let me take care of you." Clarke nodded and Lexa began to wash the sweat and dirt from the blonde's body, exposing the pale skin underneath.

"I though the Commander kneeled for no one?" Clarke asked after a while. Lexa paused her movements and met Clarke's curious gaze. "She does not. But I will always kneel before you, ai hodnes." Clarke blushed and smiled, "Come here."

Lexa smiled as Clarke kissed her. When they broke apart, Clarke whispered, "Ai hod yu in, Leksa." Smiling wider, Lexa kissed Clarke again, "I love you too, Clarke."


	16. Do Not Apologize

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The 100 was created by Kass Morgan and adapted to TV by Jason Rothenberg. I do not own the characters or the world of The 100 except for those I create.

Lexa left Clarke to her thoughts, focusing on removing each speck of dirt from her body. She found herself getting lost in the feeling of Clarke's smooth skin beneath her calloused fingers. Unconsciously, she started humming the haunting tune that used to fill the room when her mentor would take care of her tired and broken body after a particularly hard day of training. The song that meant she had done well, and it was okay to rest.

She stood and collected two different soaps for Clarke's hair, one which would remove all the dirt and grime, and the other that would make it soft and shiny again. She kneeled back beside the top of the bath and gently prodded Clarke to close her eyes before she started to massage the first round of soap into her sunlight hair.

Lexa used a small wooden cup to gather some water and rinse Clarke's hair, smiling at the peaceful look crossing the younger girl's face. Once all the soap was out, she rubbed the other bar between her hands and smoothed the oils through Clarke's hair, rinsing it out when she was done.

She continued to observe Clarke in her peaceful state, running her fingertips along the planes of her face, down her neck and the curve of her shoulder. The final notes of the lullaby faded into nothing and the room was once again still and calm.

They sat in serene silence until the bath grew cold. Clarke reluctantly opened her eyes and met her favorite green orbs. "Hey." She whispered, not wanting to break the calm atmosphere. Lexa smiled, "Hi." Clarke pulled her knees to her chest and placed her cheek against them, "That was beautiful, Lexa. Where did you learn that song?" Lexa ran her hand over Clarke's soft hair, speaking in the same hushed tone, "Anya."

Clarke's gaze flicked downwards for a few seconds before she met Lexa's stare again, "I'm sorry." Lexa shook her head and a small smile tugged at her lips, "Don't be. It's not your fault." Clarke looked down and shook her head, "I was there. Right beside her. I could have done something." Lexa tried to get her to see reason. "What would you have done. You had just escaped the Mountain. In that moment, you were tired and bleeding and weak. What could you have done, Clarke?" Lexa didn't blame Clarke for Anya's death. She didn't want the blonde to blame herself either.

Clarke sat for a few moments. She wanted to agree with Lexa, that her body had been exhausted and broken, and that there was no way she could have saved the older blonde girl. But if there was one thing Clarke had learned from being on the ground, it was that no matter the situation, there was always a way.

Lexa thought she wasn't going to get a response, but a few moments later, she heard a faint whisper. "Anything." "What?" Clarke wouldn't meet Lexa's eyes, "I could have done anything to save her. That's the problem, Lexa. I did nothing. I stood there and did nothing while Anya bled out in my arms." Clarke's voice cracked and a few tears ran down her face, hitting the water and causing ripples to form on the surface. "Her blood is on my hands. If I had just-"

Lexa put two fingers under Clarke's chin and drew her blue gaze to meet her own. Before Lexa could speak, Clarke whispered thickly, "I'm so sorry, Lexa." But Lexa shook her head. "Do not apologize to me, Clarke. There is no need. You have done nothing that needs to be forgiven. "But I-" "No." Lexa spoke firmly yet gently. "What happened to Onya was not your fault, there was nothing that you or anyone else could have possibly done to save her. She would not blame you, I do not blame you. So waste no time blaming yourself. And from now on do not waste time apologizing to me. We are equals, Klark. And equals do not seek forgiveness from each other. Do you understand?"

Clarke nodded, leaning forward to rest her head on Lexa's shoulder and placing a sweet kiss on her neck. "I love you." She whispered. Lexa ran her fingers through Clarke's damp hair and kissed the top of her head. She answered quietly, "And I love you."

Clarke nodded and continued to lean into Lexa, sighing and sagging forward slightly. Lexa lent her strength for a few moments in the silence. Then, she leaned back just enough to tilt her head up and kiss Clarke's forehead. "Let's go to bed." Clarke nodded, "Okay."

Lexa turned and grabbed the soft fur she had brought for Clarke to dry off with. Clarke stood and Lexa wrapped the fur around her. Lexa led Clarke back into their bedroom. She motioned for Clarke to sit on the bed and went over to the wardrobe to gather Clarke's nightdress.

Placing it on the back of a chair along with her own she picked up a small container from the table and walked back over to the blonde. Clarke, who had in the meantime pulled on her boyshorts and was waiting for Lexa to help her rebind her chest, was confused to see the brunette place her clothes down before coming back to her. "Lexa?" She questioned.

Lexa didn't speak, instead she kneeled in front of Clarke and opened the small jar, gathering some of the salve on her fingers. Placing one of Clarke's feet in her lap, she began working the oils into the bottom of Clarke's feet, laughing quietly when she heard a moan from the blonde on the bed.

Clarke collapsed back onto the furs as Lexa's hands worked the pain from her tired and aching feet, moving up to her ankles once she was satisfied and continuing from there. Clarke moaned when Lexa worked on a particularly sore spot on her calf.

Lexa continued to work the tension from Clarke's body, having her lie on her stomach so she could straddle her lower back work the salve into the blonde's shoulders. At some point, Clarke had fallen asleep under Lexa, but Lexa continued to work, knowing it would help Clarke feel less sore in the morning.

As her hands worked, her mind wandered. There was an important meeting tomorrow, all of the clan leaders would be there. She needed Clarke to be at her best, physically and mentally, any sign of weakness could ruin this. Lexa sighed, she hadn't even told her yet. But, if Lexa did her part correctly, Clarke would only have to stand at her side. No words would need to be spoken and so the late notice would be okay.

Once she was done, she stood and placed the small container on the table. She slipped Clarke's nightdress over her head and laid her back down under the furs. Lexa crossed back into the bathroom and used some cold water to quickly wash her face. She pulled her nightdress on and blew out the few candles in the bathroom. She waled around and blew out the candles in the bedroom, leaving the only light to be that from the moon outside.

She crawled under the furs and pulled Clarke's back to her chest, burying her nose in Clarke's hair. She felt Clarke shift in her arms, trying to get closer, so she tightened her hold. Just as sleep was about to take her she heard Clarke faintly, "Reshop, Leksa." She kissed the back of Clarke's head and mumbled, "Sleep well, Klark."


	17. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The 100 was created by Kass Morgan and adapted to TV by Jason Rothenberg. I do not own the characters or the world of The 100 except for those I create.

As the early morning light began to filter into the room, Clarke sighed happily. She was content where she was and hoped they didn't have any meetings for a while so she could just lay there. Her naked form was half on top of Lexa's, and her ear was resting gently over the brunette's heartbeat, the steady rhythm calming the blonde. Lexa lazily ran her fingers through Clarke's golden hair, the feeling keeping Clarke on the edge of sleep. 

Clarke turned her head and kissed Lexa's chest, "Do we have to get up, Hodnes?" Lexa chuckled quietly at Clarke's small whine. "Not for a while yet, my Love." Clarke smiled contently at the name and returned to her previous position. Neither girl said much after that, wanting to simply exist in their peaceful space and wrapped tightly in their love. 

Clarke was drawing patterns on Lexa's skin with her fingertips when there was a sharp knock at the door. Clarke pouted and moved to get off of Lexa, but Lexa's arms tightened around her and held her still. Lexa drew up the furs to cover them decently before she called out, "Enter."

The guards outside the room opened the doors and Titus stalked into the room, his robes swishing on the floor behind him. He suddenly stopped walking when he noticed Clarke lying in bed with Lexa. He glared at the blonde and Lexa heard Clarke groan softly and hide her face against Lexa's chest. She could feel the heat of the blonde's blush against her cool skin. 

Lexa had pardoned Titus after debating his execution for a few days. She ultimately realized that his job was too important. He was her mentor, yes, and he had betrayed her. But he was also the only Fleimkepa they had. And as much as Lexa hated the idea of forgiving him for trying to kill Clarke, as Heda she needed him. 

She had forgiven him, but they were never going to be the same again. They would not on good terms and they never would be again as far as she was concerned. And currently, Lexa was not liking the way Titus was looking at her Hodnes.

Lexa clenched her jaw and spoke sharply, "Titus. What is so urgent this morning that you need to interrupt us?"

He bowed his head and gazed at the floor. "Heda. There is to be a meeting with the ambassadors today to discuss Skaikru's plans of the Mountain." Lexa sighed, she was dreading this meeting. "Very well. We will be in the throne room shortly."

Titus once again bristled. "Heda, this is not wise. She-" "Enough!" Lexa snapped. "I will not hear this again." Titus bowed before turning. Just as he was about to leave he turned again and spoke softly, but Clarke still heard. "I beg you to remember my teachings, Leksa. Wanheda will bring you nothing but pain and death. It is all she knows." With that, he slipped out the door.

Lexa had made sure that the name Wanheda was never used in Clarke's presence unless during a meeting or formal ceremony where she was to be respected. She knew that the name brought with it a lot of dark memories and pain for Clarke and she was worried about how Titus' words had affected her. 

She tried to get Clarke to meet her gaze, speaking gently, "Clarke." But the blonde on her chest wasn't moving at all. She didn't look to be breathing either and Lexa would have been alarmed if she couldn't feel the quick gasps against her skin. That didn't do much to calm her, however, and she tried again. "Ai Hodnes?"

\--------------------------------------------------------

Pain. Death. Destruction. Wanheda. The name swirled around in her head, violent and angry. The Commander of Death. Three hundred warriors. TonDC. Mt Weather. Masacre. Descemation. Tris. Finn. Maya. I'm so sorry. The names and faces of those she couldn't save, their expressions twisted in agony. Their voices were broken and screaming in agony. She didn't save them.

And faintly, a heartbeat. Lexa. The one she had.

As the voices faded and the heartbeat stayed steady in her mind, Clarke started getting a handle on her emotions and took in her surroundings. Lexa was holding her face in her hands, thumbs brushing over her cheeks. "Ai Hodnes, please."

Blinking slowly, Clarke looked up to meet Lexa's worried eyes. Nodding she breathed out, "I'm okay."

Lexa kissed Clarke's forehead sighing, "I'm sorry, my love." Clarke took another deep breath repeating, "I'm okay." She took a few more moments to bask in Lexa's warmth before groaning and sitting up, moving off of her, "Come on. We have to get up." 

Lexa rose from the bed far more quietly and gracefully than Clarke had, and crossed over to the wardrobe. She felt arms circle her waist from behind and smiled as she pulled out both sets of armor. 

"Clarke?" Lexa laughed as the blonde kissed a trail from her shoulder to her neck and the underside of her jaw. "Hmm?" "If we are going to get ready and make the meeting on time, we must get dressed." "And?" 

Lexa chuckled as Clarke continued to invade her sense. But still she held strong, "And, my love, we cannot do that if you do not let me go." 

Clarke pouted, retracting her arms and stepping from behind the brunette to beside her. "Fine." Lexa turned, and seeing the cute pouty look on her face, reached up to cup her cheek and kissed her lightly. 

They helped each other dress in relative silence, both minds full of thoughts of the meeting to come. Clarke broke the silence as she finished braiding the brunette's hair. "Is my mom going to be there?" 

Lexa stood and motioned for her to switch places with her on the bench in front of the mirror. She spoke only once her fingers were slowly twisting through sunshine hair. 

"Your mother is the ambassador for the 13th clan. She must attend. And as this is a matter directly concerning Skaikru, I believe Kane will most likely be there as well, as Chancellor." Confused, she asked, "Why? Is something wrong, Clarke?" 

"No." Clarke answered softly. "It's just that-" She broke off. Lexa let her organize her thoughts, simply staying silent and finishing off Clarke's braids and placing her hands lightly on the younger girls shoulders. 

Finally the answer came, "I haven't seen her since Kane accepted the Mark of the Coalition. She asked me if I was going to come back to Arkadia. She asked if I was ever going to come home."

Lexa wasn't sure how she felt about this new information. "And what did you tell her?" 

Blue eyes met green through the mirror. 

"I told her that I was home."


	18. The Meeting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The 100 was created by Kass Morgan and adapted to TV by Jason Rothenberg. I do not own the characters or the world of The 100 except for those I create.

They walked down the hallway, hand in hand. Those they passed, mostly guards and servants, bowed their heads in respect for the two young leaders. They stopped in front of the throne room doors, and Lexa turned to Clarke, "They will use your title, hodnes. Remember that it shows how much they respect you, and that you are higher than they are. Do not let the name Wanheda be an insult in there. It is an honor." Clarke nodded, "I know." Lexa turned to the guards, dropping Clarke's hand, and nodded.

The heavy doors were opened for them and Lexa entered first. She walked up the aisle and, acknowledging the ambassadors and Kane as she passed, and climbed the few steps to stand in front of her throne. Clarke stayed just inside the doors, not quite sure where she fit into this picture. That is, until Lexa caught her eye and motioned her forward. 

Clarke felt herself blushing as she quickly walked down the aisle and moved up the stairs to Lexa's side. She could feel Titus glaring daggers into the back of her head from where he was standing slightly behind and on the other side of Lexa's throne. Lexa smiled at her as if to tell her it was alright before her mask fell into place and she turned to address the room. Clarke felt her own mask fall into place as well. 

"Welcome, Ambassadors. I trust all of your journeys were made well?" When they all voiced some sort of agreement, she continued, "I wish to welcome all of you to Polis. You are, as always, my guests during your time in the city. You are to be treated with the utmost respect, so if something is not to your liking, do not hesitate to let a guard or servant know and I will fix the problem. Please," she gestured with her hand, "be seated and we will begin the meeting."

The ambassadors waited until Lexa was sitting, before they each took their designated seat. Kane was standing beside Abby in a way that was very similar to Clarke standing next to Lexa, but Clarke thought it was probably a lot less awkward for him.

"Now, we have gathered to discuss what Skaikru's plans are for the Mountain, as it was they who defeated it." She motioned to Abby and Kane, "In addition to Ambassador Griffin, their chancellor, Marcus Kane, has joined us." 

Clarke's mom sat up a little straighter in her chair, "Thank you, Heda. Skaikru itself is unsure where we stand with the Mountain. Many of my people wish to open it up and use the technology inside, some wish to live there, and other's think we should leave it to be the graveyard that it is."

Lexa felt Clarke bristle at her side. Carefully, she reached over and placed a hand on Clarke's arm and removed it just as quickly, trying to calm her down without being noticed. She knew Clarke was upset and angry over Abby's choice of words, but knew that them arguing during the meeting would get nowhere.

Instead, she interrupted, "Ambassador, I would prefer for you to speak of the event that happened there with more respect. Many lives were lost and many difficult descisions had to be made." Abby nodded, "Of course, Heda. My apologies." Lexa nodded and felt Clarke relax again at her side.

Kane spoke next, "Ambassador Griffin is correct when she tells you that our people are divided. However, many of the original hundred are the only ones who share the idea that we should leave the Mountain to remain as it is. And if that is not what we decide to do, they will accept that."

Clarke narrowed her eyes, "And if they don't?" He looked over at her, "I'm sorry?" Clarke took a step forward, challenging him, "The original hundred? You say that if you do decided to invade the Mountain, they will accept. What if they don't?" Abby laughed, "Clarke, they're still children. We're in charge. Kane and I, we lead them. They'll do what we tell them and if that's moving into the Mountain, then they'll move into the Mountain."

It was when Clarke took another step towards her mother that Lexa actually stood from her throne, "That's enough, Ambassador. You're speaking out of turn." But Clarke wasn't going to let this go, and Lexa couldn't stop her as she spoke harshly.

"The hundred are not your people. They are mine. They are not children, they stopped being children when you locked them in prison and sent them to the ground to die. The Mountain is a warzone, not a playground for you to explore. And you will respect me and refer to me by my title, Ambassador." 

The throne room lapsed into silence, not even the sound of breathing could be heard. It was the ambassador of Fluokru, the Boat People, who broke the silence. He turned to Clarke, "And what do you think, Wanheda? It was you who defeated the Maunon, I believe it is you who should decide what is done with it."

Clarke walked down the small stairs and turned to adress the room, "I believe the Mountain was deafeated for a reason. I believe that our warriors died for that reason, to bring down the shadow that the Maunon has cast on your people for generations. I believe that the Mountain should be sealed shut and left to rot. Our dead have been set free and there is not reason to take the tek that caused this war in the first place. Wamplei gon Maunon!"

The other ambassadors started chanting with her, "Wamplei gon Maunon!"

Clarke turned back to face Lexa and saw pride shining in her eyes. Moving back to her side, Clarke closed her eyes and took a minute to collect herself. When she opened them, she gasped. All of the ambassadors, except for her mother and Kane, were on their knees before her.

Lexa rose and stepped up beside Clarke, "Wanheda has spoken. Wamplei gon Maunon. This meeting is over, I wish you all a safe journey home."

Lexa motioned for Clarke to walk beside her as she walked out of the throne room, and Clarke did so with her head held high and pride shining on her face. As soon as the doors were shut behind them, Lexa pushed her against the wall and kissed her.


	19. I Win

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The 100 was created by Kass Morgan and adapted to TV by Jason Rothenberg. I do not own the characters or the world of The 100 except for those I create.

When they broke apart, Clarke moved her hand to run along Lexa's cheek, "What was that for?" Lexa smiled, looking down at her, "I am proud of you, Clarke." Clarke smiled, "That was incredible!" she gushed, "They listened to me, Lexa! They didn't challenge me and when I told them my ideas they agreed. Did you see them at the end? They kneeled for me!" Lexa laughed at the blonde's expression, "I told you, hodnes, they respect you." 

Clarke smiled and kissed Lexa again, "Do we have anything else to do today?" Lexa took her hand and started to lead her back to their room, "No. Not until dinner, we must have a feast with the ambassadors. The rest of the day, however, is ours. Is there something you would like to do?"

Clarke thought about it for a moment, unsure of how Lexa would respond. "Well, I was planning on training with Lincoln and Octavia..." Lexa nodded. "...but I was wondering if..." Lexa looked back at her when she paused, "If what, Clarke?"

Stepping into their room and shutting the door behind them, she continued, "I wanted to ask if you would like to train with us... with me?" Lexa froze for a second, but recovered quickly, "Of course. It would be nice to see how far you've come." Clarke smiled, kissing Lexa shoulder from behind.

They undressed each other slowly, kissing each new piece of skin that they revealed as the ceremonious armor came off. They then redressed each other in lighter, more flexible armor that they would use for training. "Tell me again why we have to wear all that heavy stuff for meetings?" Clarke groaned as the new armor was placed on, still not quite used to the added weight.  
Lexa chuckled, "It is tradition to wear one's best for ceremonies. And most leaders have a special set that is more decorated, that they would only use for meetings and ceremonies only, like we do." Clarke nodded, it was like on the ark, when her mother had forced her into a dress for Unity Day celebrations. 

They walked down the twisting streets of Polis, and when Lexa asked her to lead the way to where her and Lincoln usually train, she grudgingly admitted that she didn't know how to get there, which led to another round of teasing from Lexa.

"I'm just saying, Clarke. You have been here for how long now? A few months? And you still don't know you're way through the streets?" Clarke elbowed her in the side, though it probably hurt her elbow more that it did Lexa. "It's confusing! The hallways in the Ark were only so long and there was really only one way to get from place to place. Everything was straight and orderly. Here, everything twists and curves and there's probably thirty different ways to get places!" Lexa just laughed at her outburst. "Well then, perhaps I will lead the way."

\----------------------------------

Clarke's back hit the dirt for the sixth time. "Ow." Lexa chuckled, reaching down to pull her back to her feet. "That was better, Clarke. Again." 

Clarke picked up her sword from where it had fallen when Lexa had kicked it from her hand. Sinking back into her fighting stance, she tried once more to find a weak spot in the Commander's defenses. She blew out a frustrated breath when she once again found none.

"You're face betrays your thoughts again, Clarke." Snapping from her daze, Clarke slammed her mask down, continuing to observe the Commander's movements as they circled each other. She could hear Lincoln and Octavia's swords clashing behind her and she tried not to let that distract her, though it was difficult.

Lexa's sword gleamed in the sunlight, and her green eyes were focused solely on Clarke's movements, seeing all the blonde's weaknesses and knowing she was distracted. She rushed towards her, bringing one of her swords down in a arc, though holding back slightly so Clarke could have a chance to react. 

They girls' swords met with a loud clang, and Clarke's wrist stung slightly. Lexa pushed against their weapons, using the momentum to twist her body around and bring her sword once more towards Clarke's neck. Clarke barley managed to dodge in time, and put a little distance between them. 

Clarke thrust her sword towards Lexa's stomach, only to be met with the other girls block. Clarke was tiring quickly, small bruises and cuts aching on top of her previously sore muscles. Her movements were sluggish as they continued to spar, and she knew she was showing weakness, but she whimpered slightly when the pommel of Lexa's sword hit her back.

The sounds of Lincoln and Octavia's fight had diminished, and she could feel their eyes on her back. She also felt another set, from the other direction, but didn't want to scan the trees in fear of being distracted. She resolved herself to win this battle. She knew she had to prove herself if she was ever going to be accepted into the Grounder's society.  
She steeled her mind, her emotions, and her body and with renewed vigor, conducted a series of stabs and slashes. Though none made contact, Clarke had to fight a proud smirk when Lexa's weapon flew from her hand. However, her own weapon was quickly ripped from her as well, and she found the girl with bright green eyes to be the cause.

They back slightly away from each other, sinking into a lower stance, ready for hand to hand combat to decide the winner. Lexa slowed her strikes even more, knowing this style of fighting was not Clarke's strongest. She could tell the blonde was tired, her movements slowing even more. 

Lexa thought she saw movement among the trees to their right and turned her head slightly to scan the forest. Using her momentary lapse in focus, Clarke pulled back her fist and slammed it into Lexa's cheek. The Commander stumbled back, palm rising to her face, Clarke expected to be met with anger, but saw pride flash in her eyes.

Lexa's fist connected with her stomach, and she grunted. There was no time for planning, Clarke realized, if she wanted this to be over, she had to win. And she had to do it quickly before she landed once again in the dirt.

She pulled together everything Lincoln and Octavia had taught her in the past few weeks on how to bring down an opponent who was stronger and more experienced than she was. Most of her attacks were met with blocks, but some managed to get through Lexa's defenses. 

It was with one such attack, a kick to her stomach, that she capitalized on. She used Lexa's backward motion and her momentum from spinning to sweep the Commander's legs out from under her. 

Once her back hit the ground, Clarke was immediately on top her, straddling her waist and holding her writs to the ground.  
Both girls were breathing heavily and Clarke panted, "I win," with a small smile on her face. Lexa entire face lit up with pride, "You did. Very good, Clarke." Clarke laughed then, finding the unexpected turn of events incredibly funny. She leaned foreword, releasing Lexa's wrists and placing her forehead on Lexa's shoulder as she giggled.

Lexa sat up, arms wrapping around Clarke's waist and chuckling at the blonde, "What is so funny, love?" Clarke lifted her head and met Lexa's gaze, a huge smile on her face, "I did it. I pinned you." Lexa smiled, nodding, "You did."

She tilted the blonde's head up so she could connect their lips in a sweet kiss. It was short lived however, as Octavia walked over to them laughing, "Alright, alright. That's not how training is supposed to end." Clarke just flipped her off behind her back and leaned in to kiss her girlfriend again.

They were interrupted again by a panicked cry, "Heda!" Lexa was on her feet in an instant, bringing Clarke with her and turning to find the source of the voice, "Indra. What is the matter?"

"There is a fight between warriors of Azgeda and Sankru. I ordered none of our warriors to step in because it is not our dispute." Lexa looked over at Clarke, "I must attend to this. Walk back with Octavia and Lincoln. I'll meet you in our room in an hour." Clarke nodded, though Lexa didn't see it as she had already turned and rushed off with Indra.

The three turned to gather all their supplies and clean the training grounds of any mess they had created. When Octavia and Lincoln turned to leave, they found Clarke with her dagger in her hand, going through various motions, she body flowing through the positions as her feet turned in the loose dirt and sand mixture of the area. 

Octavia called out, "Clarke? Are you ready to go? Or do you want to train some more?" Without pausing she responded, "You guys can go, I just want to spend a little longer out here. I'll be okay getting back on my own." 

Octavia turned to leave, but Lincoln asked again, the idea of not escorting the blonde back to Lexa's room not sitting well in his stomach. "Are you sure? Lexa said we should take you back."

Clarke shook her head, "I'll be fine, Lincoln. I'll only be a few more minutes." Reluctantly, he left her, tangling his fingers with Octavia's as they left.

Once they had been out of sight for several minutes, Clarke stopped her movements and turned towards the trees, seeing the sun starting to fall to their tops. Her eyes scanned the area, and she straightened her back, calmly exclaiming, "You can come out now."


	20. You Cannot Take the Coalition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who's lurking in the trees? Another fight ensues, and Wanheda is stuck in the middle of it...again. What will the outcome be?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The 100 was created by Kass Morgan and adapted to TV by Jason Rothenberg. I do not own the characters or the world of The 100 except for those I create.

He stepped out of the trees, meeting her gaze with a sharp glare. She watched him approach, her face giving nothing away and her dagger twirling around in her hand. She smiled on the inside, when she realized Lexa had done the same thing to her when they had first met. 

He stopped a few feet away, saying nothing, so she decided to greet him. "Uzac." He sneered at her, "Wanheda."

She regarded him with a skillfully impassive expression, refusing to take his bait. Instead, she questioned, "Is there a particular reason you have been watching me for the past hour? Or had your warriors start a fight in the streets so Heda would leave and I would be alone?"

"Heda favors you." It wasn't spoken as a question. He knew. Or, at least, he thought he did. "Heda favors no one," Clarke replied. 

The Ambassador took another step towards her, and the sun glinted off of the knife he had poorly concealed in his robes. "She favors you. You cannot convince me otherwise. You make her weak. And we will not stand to have a weak Heda."

At this, Clarke raised an eyebrow, "We? Are there others who believe your theories?" He didn't answer her, instead closing in the remaining distance between them and standing chest to chest with her. "You may have taken down the Mountain, Sky Girl. But you cannot take the Coalition."

"Why would I want to destroy the Coalition?" Clarke spoke with a bored tone, but she was thoroughly intrigued by this man's theories. "Because you can. You are Wanheda. The Commander of Death. I just watched you defeat Heda in battle. You seek to destroy as it is all you know." 

"And if that is what I aim to do?" She asked, forcing him back a step, "What do you think you can do?" 

She was thankful for all the work she had been putting into training these last few weeks, whether she was training with Octavia or Lincoln or just running through the motions early in the mornings out on the balcony or late at night when sleep just wouldn't come, she had vastly improved.

Her reflexes were sharper than they ever had been, and she met his first strike with a solid block, using her forearm to stop the motion of the dagger coming towards her. She pushed him back a step and they started to circle each other, each with a dagger twirling in their hand. 

They traded blows back and forth, his height and strength and training keeping the fight a little more on his side, though she did manage to slash his thigh at one point. She was tiring, the hours of training catching up with her, and she knew they couldn't do this forever.

In a reckless act of bravery, she turned her back to him, diving and rolling outside the ring markings on the ground and grabbing her sword from her small pile of clothes and guards. Her grip adjusted around the handle like it was built for her, and she started to understand what the Grounders meant with the whole 'soul bond' thing.

She swung back around just in time to block the dagger that was coming dangerously close to her neck. The loud clash of steel filled the small clearing. She held her blade evenly, level, the way her teachers had taught her.

Though she had stopped his main attack, she watched a sadistic grin fill his features as her strength wavered under his brute strength. Quickly, she reached beside her where she had dropped her dagger and shoved it into the gaping cut that she had already made on the Ambassador's thigh. 

He grunted and staggered back, allowing her to get back to her feet. "Our weapons do not belong in the hands of the Skaikru," he spit. Clarke was annoyed before, but now she was just pissed off. "We are not just Skaikru anymore. We are the Coalition just as much as the other clans are. I'm giving you one more chance, Uzac. Stop this, put down your weapon and we can forget this ever happened. I won't speak a word of it to anybody. Not even Heda. Please, don't make me end this."

He laughed, "Unfortunately, Wanheda. I cannot do that." 

With that, he sprang forward, tackling her to the ground. She struggled, feeling all her muscles straining against him. He raised his fist, and brought the pommel down on her temple. Spots erupted in her vision, the world growing fuzzy for a moment. She almost wished she would have gone unconscious, then she wouldn't have felt it when his dagger pushed through her shoulder, tearing into each muscle and hitting bone before it stopped. 

She screamed, a primal screech of pain and rage, and her animalistic instinct to survive forced her body to shove her knee between them and force him onto the ground under her. She wasn't sure where her sword had landed when her tackled her and so she used her fist to force blow after blow to his face and neck.

She vaguely noticed that he had stopped fighting back and stopped her flurry of attacks to simply sneer down at him, spitting some of the blood and spit in her mouth onto his face. "I tried to tell you, Uzac. And you said it yourself. I am the Commander of Death."

She saw her sword in her peripheral vision and reached for it, placing it on his neck, pressing slightly down on his jugular. The thought of taking yet another life sickened her. Especially taking it here in Polis, the city that had only even know peace. And so once again she begged of a dying man, "Please. Don't make me do this." 

She felt him reaching behind her, and knowing he had a dagger poised ready to kill her, she jerked her arm to the side, slitting his throat and watched as the life slowly left his eyes. "Yu gonplei ste odon, Uzac kom Yujleda."

She reached down with shaking hands and closed his glassy eyes. Her whole body was shaking as she swayed from her kneeling position over Uzac's body. Time slowed and the world around her blurred as she crashed to the ground beside him.

The last thing she felt was a sharp pain in her lower back and she heard herself chuckle when she realized that she had clumsily fallen right onto the dagger that Uzac had prepared to end her life with. 

No longer wanting to face the idea of another person's life ended by her hand, she welcomed the numbing river of blackness.


	21. What the Hell Were You Thinking?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke-1 Uzac-0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The 100 was created by Kass Morgan and adapted to TV by Jason Rothenberg. I do not own the characters or the world of The 100 except for those I create.

Clarke woke up to the feeling of pins and needles all over her skin. She blinked open her eyes slowly, her thoughts confused and groggy. It was raining, she realized. The pins and needles were the cold raindrops hitting her body and face, so cold they were slightly painful. Looking at the position of the sun, almost below the horizon, she reasoned that it couldn't have been too much later than when she had passed out. 

Looking to her right, she flinched when she was met with the sight of Uzac's body, still bleeding slightly from his leg and neck. She slowly pulled her body into a kneeling position, groaning with each move of her muscles and yelping each time the dagger shifted in her back. 

She crawled over towards Uzac at an agonizing pace, gripping the handle of her dagger that was still sticking out of his thigh. With a solid yank, she ripped it free and wiped in off slightly on the ground before placing it back in her thigh strap. 

She put one foot under her and pushed with all her strength, nearly crumbling back to the ground in pain as she put weight back on her legs, causing the dagger to shift deeper into her skin. She could feel every cut on her body, the jagged, angry red lines in stark contrast with her pale, creamy skin. She knew she had to be careful now, if the knife continued to move around, it could hit her spine. 

She found her sword, slinging it back into her back sheath, comforted by the weight, but flinching when it settled against her beaten skin. She slowly stumbled around the area, picking up her clothes and guards, placing them into her bag and placing it across her body. 

She finally dared a look back at the body of the former Ambassador, sighing. "I can't just leave him here. But I don't think I can lift him. And if this thing hits my spine, I could be paralyzed." She furrowed her brow. "And now I'm talking to myself...great." Resigning herself to the torture she was about to put herself through, she crouched down beside him and started to lift him.

She managed to get him into the position to carry him over her shoulder, and taking in a deep breath, she pushed against the ground, letting out a pained cry as all of Uzac's weight pushed down on her injured shoulder. But she knew she wouldn't be able to lift him with her weaker arm, and even if she could, his weight would be settled against the knife, so she steeled her features and started her journey back to the tower.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As she limped through the marketplace, dragging one foot slightly, she could feel every stare that was on her, which was all of them, as a hushed silence fell over the streets. She kept her head down, refusing to meet their gazes as she marched on. The entrance of Heda's tower was in her sights now, and she grit her teeth as she made the last half mile disappear beneath her feet, her breath escaping in ragged pants.

She could see the guards standing outside the doors, watching her with curiosity and a confusing mixture of fear and disgust. What she wasn't expecting, however, was Lexa to be standing near them with a small group of warriors around her. 

Tired and beaten, she wasn't exactly gentle when she swung Uzac's body off of her shoulder, letting it drop to the stone in front of her. Though the weight was gone, so was her adrenaline, and her legs buckled. It wasn't until familiar arms wrapped around her waist that she noticed that Lexa was there.

Lexa tried to hold as much of Clarke's weight as she could, while still making it seem as though she was standing on her own. She saw the blonde's eyelids falling and she knew she was going to lose her soon. "Clarke." She spoke quickly, "Keep your eyes open just a little longer. I need to get you inside. But you must walk, ai Prisa. They need to see nothing but your strength."

Clarke started to shift in her arms, "Let me go, Lex." She panted, "I can get through the doors." "Are you sure, Clarke?" Clarke nodded imperceptibly. "Okay." She relented, stepping back.  
Shifting her weight back evenly, Clarke grit her teeth to keep from crying out at the pain that was coursing through her body, the dagger had most definitely just nicked her spine and she felt tingles followed by numbness spreading through her right leg, not to mention the blood loss that was starting to seriously affect her. She bowed her head, knowing all eyes were on them, "Heda." 

Lexa nodded, "Wanheda. I see you have brought a gift back with you." Clarke could feel herself fading out, and tried to hurry the conversation along. "Sha, Heda." Sending a quick prayer to whoever was out there that this would work she continued before Lexa could, "May I clean up before we speak further, Heda? I do not much like the feeling of old blood on my skin."

Lexa nodded carefully, motioning to the guards to open the doors to the tower. "Yes. You shall freshen up. Then we shall continue to discuss this." Turning fully to the guards, she added, "Make sure it is known that no one shall disturb us in my room." "Sha, Heda."

Clarke followed right behind Lexa as she crossed into the tower. As soon as the doors were closed and she was safely inside and out of the city's view, she crashed to the floor. Her knees bruised further as they hit the concrete and her teeth jarred together, catching her tongue and filling her mouth with the familiar coppery taste of blood.

Her body was crashing, and Clarke knew that no amount of perseverance would get her back up again. The shock of earlier was wearing off and panic was slowly taking its place. She closed her eyes when Lexa's boots came into her sight, not wanting to see the rage and disappointment she knew she would find in her green gaze.

"What the hell were you thinking, Klark!" She flinched back as the words were thrown at her. "I mean honestly! You KILLED my ambassador! And now I'm going to have to find a way to keep his clan from declaring war!"

Lexa was about to continue, the frustration of worrying about where Clarke had been turning into anger when she saw the blonde coming back, carrying Uzac's body over her shoulder through the market.  
But then she noticed the way Clarke's whole body trembled. The blood that stained her clothes and skin, which she had assumed to be Uzac's, was continuing to seep out of fresh wounds.

Softening, she knew her anger was misplaced and she should not have yelled like that. "Clarke," she said quietly, afraid of the blonde's reaction. Clarke flinched back and whimpered, "I'm sorry." She shook her head as tears started to leak from beneath her still closed eyelids. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Shh." Lexa cooed, gathering Clarke into her arms. "It's alright, my love. I am sorry that I yelled." But not knowing about Clarke's main injury, the brunette's forearm collided with the dagger in her back and Clarke didn't have time to think about containing her scream. It tore from her throat and echoed off the walls around them. 

Lexa's widened when she noticed the weapon in the blonde's back and started to panic. "Clarke!" The blonde was shaking in her arms, and blood was coating Lexa's hands. Scooped Clarke up into her arms and ran for the elevator.

When the doors opened again, Lexa ran down the hall and to their room, ordering one of the guards to go find Abby and her personal healer immediately. She told the other one that they were not to be disturbed by anyone else under any circumstance. 

Lexa sat on the edge of the bed, rocking Clarke back and forth gently, whispering sweet nothings into her ear to try and calm her. But it wasn't working, the whimpers kept coming to accompany wet cheeks and she still hadn't opened her eyes. Her hand was fisted tightly around Lexa's shirt and Lexa reasoned that she was probably trying to ground herself. 

"Shh. Clarke. You mother and my best healer are on their way. You're going to be okay. I promise." Clarke opened her eyes finally, searching Lexa's eyes as she whimpered. "It's hurts, Lexa." Lexa laid her down on her side, and stood to start removing her armor. 

She unlaced Clarke's boots, pulling them off and placing them beside the table. She undid the button of her pants and gently peeled the material from her legs, gasping at the bruises and cuts she found littering Clarke's pale skin. She pulled Clarke up off the bed, and slid off her jacket, now noticing the deep wound in her left shoulder. "Clarke." She whispered, thickly. 

The door crashed open behind her and Lexa's head whipped back to see the two healers barging into the room. "Save her!" She growled. She moved onto the bed on Clarke's other side so she could see her face and held Clarke's cold hand in hers. "Shh. Clarke, it's okay." 

Abby cut Clarke's shirt off and and gasped at when she saw the full extent of the wound. She got to work immediately, getting out the supplies she would need and setting up her work space, knowing she couldn't waste any time. Lexa's healer make quick work to clean and stitch up Clarke's shoulder and forehead. She was done by the time Abby was ready to take the knife out. 

Clarke felt her mom's hand wrap around the handle and panicked, "Mom, wait!" Thankfully she did and Clarke had enough time to desperately meet Lexa's worried gaze. "Clarke?" She asked. Clarke squeezed Lexa's hand as she trembled. "I'm scared." She whispered. 

Lifting their joined hands, Lexa kissed the back of Clarke's hand. "I'm here. And you're going to be alright. I vow it, Clarke." Clarke nodded to Lexa and Lexa nodded for Abby to go ahead. 

The knife had to come out slowly to avoid causing any more damage, and each centimeter it moved was agonizing. Clarke held Lexa's hand in a death grip, trying to keep her screams inside, but she couldn't hold it in for long. 

She clenched her eyes shut and turned her face into Lexa's chest as screams and sobs of pure agony ripped from her broken form. Lexa held her tightly, face turned into the top of her head and repeatedly placing kisses in her hair, trying to support her in any way she could. 

Abby had gotten the dagger about half way out before Clarke went limp in her arms, passing out from the pain.


	22. Nerves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anyone wanna talk to me about our favorite little bean? I'm sad. I can't believe it's been a whole year already.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RESHWE HEDA

The water was hot against her cool skin, stinging as it flooded over her wounds. She groaned, trying to pull away from the sensation. "Clarke." She knew that voice. "Lexa?" She mumbled. She felt a kiss being placed on the back of her neck. "Open your eyes, Clarke."

She slowly opened her eyes, squinting against the morning light. Slowly, she took in her surroundings, trying to piece together what had happened. She remembered training with Lexa, Octavia, and Lincoln. Then, Lexa got called away to separate a fight in the market. And the man that was watching her, Uzac, tried to kill her. She remembers her sword in her hand as she slit his throat and the tears on her cheeks when she closed his eyes.

She recalls a blurry memory of pain in her spine...and then nothing. Looking around the room, Clarke noticed that she and Lexa were in the bath together and that it was morning, but she knew she had fought Uzac in the early evening. She looked back at Lexa and shook her head slowly, "I don't...what happened?" 

Lexa pulled her closer, until Clarke's head was resting on her shoulder, "You mother told me you might not remember. I can't fill in everything for you, but I do know that you were supposed to come back from the training grounds with Lincoln and Octavia. And about an hour or so after you were supposed to be back, I saw them in the market getting their swords sharpened. I asked them where you were and they told me you hadn't come back with them and they hadn't seen you.

So I did what I thought was logical and looked around the market for you, I know you like to wander around the streets there sometimes. But I didn't find you and anyone I asked said they hadn't seen you since the morning. 

I gathered some of my warriors and we were about to leave to go look for you, when I saw you. You were walking towards me, going through one of the main streets, carrying the dead body of my Ambassador over your shoulder. I will admit that my anger flared, Polis is a city that I keep untouched from the violence of daily life. I got you inside and got some of my anger out, yelling at you."

She knew she wasn't supposed to see the tear fall down Clarke's face, but she did. And she reached up gently to wipe it away. "I apologize, Clarke. I know taking a life is not easy for you, and I'm sorry that I made it worse." Clarke shook her head, telling Lexa it wasn't her fault, by lost in the memories. She remembered now, the pain as her mother and the other healer worked on her injuries. She remembered watching as the life faded from Uzac's eyes.

She brought a hand up to cover her mouth as a broken sob made it's way out of her throat. Her chest heaved as more followed and she let the tears fall, rippling the surface of the water. "Clarke." Lexa called softly behind her. Clarke shook her head, self conscious about Lexa seeing her break apart like this. 

But Lexa knew that this is what Clarke needed to do, to shatter so completely that she had no choice but to put herself back together stronger. 

She put her hands underneath Clarke and lifted her slightly, moving her from where she had been sitting between Lexa's legs to now sitting sideways across her lap. She gently pried Clarke's hand from her face and held it in her own, the other coming to cup Clarke's cheek. "I'm here, Clarke. You do not have to hide this from me. It is okay to feel for those lives that you have ended.

Clarke knew that what Lexa was actually saying was that it was okay for her to cry in front of her. That she wouldn't leave. 

So she let go. She released every ounce of pain she had been carrying around since she came to the ground. She cried with such a raw undertone, like all the pain she had been harboring was from a still open wound. 

Maybe it was, Lexa thought as she held her, each loss was an open wound on her soul that Clarke had refused to stitch. Clarke buried her head into Lexa's neck and wrapped her arms around her waist. Lexa held her tightly, refusing to let her go as she trembled with the force of her sobs.

When Clarke had quieted some time later, she silently sat limp against Lexa's strong form, refusing to meet her eyes. Lexa took a deep breath and let it out. She kissed Clarke forehead and squeezed her hand. She smiled sadly when she received a weak squeeze back. 

The water was getting cold, and Lexa didn't want Clarke to get sick, so she tried to bring the blonde back from her thoughts. "Clarke?" When blue eyes finally turned to meet hers, they were filled with grief, loss, and devastation. She recognized it as the face of someone who had suffered before and didn't know if they could do it again. 

"The water is chilling, Ai Hodnes. Let's go to bed." Clarke nodded and stood, stepping out of the tub and wrapping a warm fur around her shoulders to dry off. Her brows pulled down in confusion and she looked at Lexa, who had followed her out of the tub and was drying off. "My leg." She said, her voice scratchy from screaming, "I can't- I can't feel anything." 

Lexa nodded slowly, not knowing how Clarke would react to the news. "The dagger hit your spine, Clarke. Abby said there was damage to the nerves." Clarke nodded as a tear escaped down her face. Lexa was quick to brush it away and kiss her cheek, "It will come back." 

Clarke said nothing, knowing the chances were slim. She closed her eyes and kissed Lexa's cheek before stepping back. She dropped her wet fur to the ground and limped back to the bedroom. Lexa followed and then led her to their bed, peeling back the furs and climbing in, her arms open and waiting from the blonde.

Clarke laid down and Lexa spooned her, wrapping an arm around her waist and the other brushing soothingly through her hair. Clarke snuggled down into the furs, enjoying the feeling of Lexa's skin on hers. 

As she was nodding off, she remembered that she still didn't know what time it was, "Hey, Lexa." She mumbled. "Yes, Clarke?" "What day is it?" "You only slept through the night, Hodnes. You're fight was yesterday." Clarke nodded, but then continued, "Should you be up and doing all your commandery things?" Lexa chuckled, "I requested not to be bothered today. Today I am staying here with you."

Clarke smiled, "I love you." Lexa kissed the back of her head, "I love you too, Clarke. Now rest. We can talk more when you wake."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RESHWE HEDA


	23. Build A Brace

Clarke woke up to the sunlight streaming on her face through the curtains. She blinked against the brightness and nuzzled back into her pillow. She heard a small chuckle from the other side of the room. "Clarke, pretending the sun is not up is not going to make it disappear." "It's too early." She mumbled. 

She heard another laugh, followed by the scraping of a chair on the floor and footsteps coming towards her. She didn't look up from the blankets until she felt the dip in the bed, and when she did she was met with an amused forest gaze. "The sun is nearly mid sky, Ai Niron. You slept through the day and night, you cannot still be tired?" 

Clarke gingerly turned onto her side and lifted her head to rest against Lexa's thigh. "My whole body hurts." She whined. Lexa smiled down at her endearingly, running her fingers through Clarke's hair. "I would imagine. My healer left you some tea, she said that a cup every morning and night would help take some of the pain away." 

Clarke nodded, closing her eyes again. "Do I have to get up?" "You are almost as bad as my Natblidas." Lexa teased. "Mockery is not the product of a strong mind, Lexa." She mumbled.  Lexa laughed softly, a sound that Clarke heard so rarely she was sure she had to still be dreaming. 

Clarke turned her head and nuzzled into Lexa stomach. "Just a couple more minutes?" She pleaded. Lexa smiled down at the sleepy girl, amused and entranced with her tired ramblings. "I suppose a few more would not hurt anyone." She conceded.

After a few peaceful moments, Clarke decided to stop prolonging the inevitable, and she blinked lazily up at Lexa. Nervously, she asked "How bad did I screw up?"

Not needing an explanation, Lexa answered, "I have told the Ambassadors that you have not been well as a means to delay the meeting. Though I fear they are beginning to feel restless, so, if you are well enough today, I think we should hold it."

Clarke nodded and Lexa continued, "I will do everything in my power to prevent a war, Clarke." Once again, Clarke nodded, "I know." Sitting up fully, Clarke moved to the edge of the bed and swung her legs over the side. She felt her left leg resting on the ground, but nothing but the same tingling sensation from yesterday in her right.

Lexa brought her a small cup filled with a steaming, muddy liquid. Clarke drank the bitter tea quickly, trying to hide her disgust and knowing she didn't quite succeed when Lexa laughed quietly. She handed the empty cup back to Lexa, who set it on the table and came to kneel in front of her.

Placing a hand on the blonde's knee, Lexa asked softly, "Is there any feeling at all?" Clarke shook her head sadly, feeling tears building her eyes, "No." Lexa nodded solemnly. "I sent Octavia to Arkadia to retrieve Raven. They should be back in a few hours. Perhaps she can build you a brace to use for now." Refusing to let the tears fall, Clarke swallowed thickly, "Thank you."

Lexa took her hand and kissed the back of it. "Anything you should need, Ai Hodnes. You need only to ask." Clarke nodded and took a few moments to collect herself. "Can we not talk about it?"

Rising from her position on the floor, Lexa placed herself on Clarke's lap. Kissing her gently, she pulled back to whisper, "Oso nou gaf chich nou taim."

\-------------------------------------------------------

Lexa wondered how Clarke had ended up convincing her to stay in bed for a while when she had work to do. But she also knew she wouldn't trade this for the world. The girl she loved was here, in her arms, and they were safe. Right in that moment, there was peace, and her and Clarke were okay. 

She looked lovingly down at the girl whose head lay against her bare stomach, occasionally feeling the blonde's lips against her tanned skin. Lexa ran a hand through Clarke's hair, "Octavia should be returning soon." She saw Clarke's shoulders sag and heard her sigh, and Lexa wished she wouldn't have said anything, it only served to remind Clarke of her situation.

Lexa wished there was something she could do for her, but knew that this fight was Clarke's alone. "I am sorry I said anything." Clarke sighed again at her apology. "Don't be. You didn't do anything wrong. I need to face this."

A few moments later, there was a soft knock at the door. "One moment." Lexa called. Clarke sat up and Lexa followed, wrapping her arms around Clarke from behind, pressing their skin together. "Are you ready, Ai Hodnes?" Clarke swallowed and nodded, "I have to be."

The two women moved around the room, dressing for the meeting, Lexa helping Clarke with her armor, and making sure the set was light enough to not put too much weight on her injuries. Once they were done, she walked over to the door and opened it, revealing two brunettes.

Once they looked past her and saw Clarke, they were crossing the room in seconds, though Octavia at least stopped to bow her head respectfully and murmur a quiet, "Heda," in greeting. Lexa nodded, turning to motion to Clarke, "You have done well, Octavia. Thank you. Rest, now." Octavia smiled at the praise. "Thank you, Heda. How is she?"

The two women observed Clarke are Raven, who was talking animatedly and with a lot of hand gestures. "I believe the feeling will return to her soon. But I know that you bringing Raven here to build her a brace in the meantime will lift her spirits."

Octavia nodded, "Clarke is the strongest person I've ever met. She'll pull through this." With that, Octavia walked down the hall and back to her room to get some sleep since she had been woken in the early hours of the morning.

Lexa walked to the two girls and sat quietly on Clarke's other side, listening to what Raven was explaining. "-can't get it super wet. If it rains, just make sure to dry it super well and it should be okay. It'll take some getting used to, and you may need to pad some parts here and there if they're too sharp or dig in, but it'll get you up and walking again, Princess."

Clarke smiled then, the kind of smile that lights up someone's whole face, and it left Lexa breathless. It had been too long since she'd seen that smile.

Raven stood and hugged Clarke tightly before she turned to Lexa, "I was able to bring some of the parts I need, but there's a lot I don't have. Is there a blacksmith here in Polis who would be willing to work with me on this?" Lexa nodded. "Yes. In fact, we can all go there now and you can get started while I prepare for a meeting with my ambassadors. Clarke will need to be present at that meeting tonight. Can  you get it done by then?"

Raven's laughter filled the room, "It'll be done in like an hour. Two, tops." Lexa stood, "Perfect. Let's go to the marketplace then."

Raven stood in front of Clarke, who was looking at the floor and playing nervously with her hands, "Hey Commander of Death. Want a piggy back ride?" Clarke smiled and nodded, her uneasiness fading.

Lexa's brows furrowed and she asked, "Why would you ride on a pig's back? Raven, horses are much faster."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oso nou gaf chich nou taim- We don't have to talk at all


	24. Killer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The 100 was created by Kass Morgan and adapted to TV by Jason Rothenberg. I do not own the characters or the world of The 100 except for those I create.

Lexa sat regally in her throne, back straight and head high as the Ambassadors of the twelve grounder clans filed into the room. They kneeled before her one by one before taking their seats. Clarke was not to enter yet, and Lexa noticed the other Ambassadors searching the room for her. Before they could voice their questions, she spoke, "Bring the victim's body forward." 

Two of her guards entered the room carrying Uzac's body, wrapped in the ceremonial cloths. They placed him gently on the ground in the middle of the room. Lexa raised her chin and met everyone's stares. "Uzac kom Yujleda is dead. He attacked Wanheda and answered with his life." Glancing at the guards stationed at the doors she called out, "Bring in the accused." 

The heavy doors swung open and there stood Clarke. Her hair looked beautiful in the tight, neat braids Lexa had put it in, and her blonde waves seemed to glow in the candlelight. Her war paint was precise and contrasted her blue eyes drastically. 

Lexa had laid out an outfit for her that was a mix between a formal gown and her ceremonial armor, and, Lexa realized as she tried not to blush, was quite form fitting over the girl's curves. 

The dress was shorter in the front than it was in the back and Lexa's eyes immediately fell to the large brace that was closed around most of Clarke's leg. She knew the blonde had to be self conscious about it, and she tried to reassure her through her eyes.

Her message was clearly received as Clarke nodded slightly and made her way confidently into the room. She walked down the center of the room and stopped next to the body. She bowed her head and spoke clearly, her voice even, "Heda."

"Wanheda. You stand here accused by your fellow Ambassadors of murder. These are serious charges that have been brought against you. Do you understand the terms of this meeting?" Clarke took a deep breath to calm herself, trying to ignore how much the sight of Uzac's body was starting to get to her. "Sha. I do." Lexa nodded, "Then please, be seated."

Clarke turned away from the throne and crossed back to the high backed chair that was reserved for Skaikru. She sat calmly and placed her hands on the arms of the chair, her back was straight and her chin was held high as she glanced at the other's around the room, pretending their glares did nothing to affect her. 

Lexa could feel the tension that sat thickly in the silence. Though she was proud of how Clarke seemed to be handling this, she knew she should try and bring this meeting to a close as soon as possible. "Shall we begin. I have more important things that require my attention."

The ambassadors nodded and pressed on, "You all wanted this meeting. You may speak freely here. A decision must be made before we can retire."

The ambassador from Ice Nation spoke first, and his ideas did not surprise Lexa. "I believe Wanheda should answer for her crime. Our brother is dead, and yet his killer sits here. Free. I say we have her beheaded."

She heard a few gasps from some of the more peace driven ambassadors and was glad Abby wasn't allowed to be involved in this decision. But Lexa also knew she didn't need to worry, death for self defense was too drastic. 

Lexa raised her hand to stop the murmurs that arose after ice nation spoke. "You're opinion has been heard. However, I believe it to be misguided. You seem so sure this was murder. And yet, Wanheda was simply acting in self defense. Uzac attacked   
first, unprovoked."

The ambassador from the glowing forest, a peaceful old man, spoke next in a calm, relaxed voice, no evidence of anger towards Clarke's actions present.

"It seems," he paused, "that we do not know the entirety of what occurred between Wanheda and Ambassador Uzac. He turned to Clarke, taking in the young girl's stoic face, though he could see fear and pain in her eyes. He spoke to her gently, as a father would to a daughter. "Wanheda. I ask that you recount the events that brought us here?"

Clarke nodded, "I was training with Oktevia and Linkon kom Trigedakru. Heda was with us as well. She was pulled away by Indra kom Trigedakru to stop a fight that was taking place in the marketplace. Oktevia and Linkon left soon after, but I had decided to stay and continue improving my skills. Uzac than stepped out from the trees and confronted me. He accused me of wanting to destroy the coalition and then attacked me. 

I tried to reason with him, but realized that he aimed to kill me." Her voice grew thick, "So I killed him." She refused to meet the Ambassador's eyes again, ashamed of what she had done.

But the old man had continued to study her, he could see the remorse she carried, but the finality in her tone made it clear that she would do it again. He continued to speak to her softly, not wanting to scare her, "What made you sure he was planning to kill?"

Clarke stood from her seat, and the creak of metal from her brace echoed around the near silent room. She brushed her hair back and exposed her shoulder as well. "Ambassador Uzac attacked me with intent to kill. His blade was lodged in my shoulder. It was his actions that lodged a blade into my spine and has destroyed the use of my leg." 

There were tears flooding her eyes, and everyone could see the way they glistened in the candlelight. "I may never regain use or feeling."

The ambassador then stood and walked to place his tan, wrinkled hand on her pale shoulder. "Heda. I believe Wanheda has done nothing to deserve punishment." Then he turned to the others in the room. "For those of you still thinking jus drein jus daun, look at her. Wanheda is already bleeding."

When no one moved to speak, Lexa stood, "As there seems to be no more opinions to give, I declare that Wanheda is innocent of the charges brought against her. If anyone has a grievance with my decision, speak now."

Lexa held her breath and prayed to the gods that no one would question her. However, life didn't usually go easy on her. Ice Nation's ambassador stood angrily, "Soulou gonplei!"

Clarke's eyes widened and Lexa paled. The ambassador continued, "Heda. If you do not issue punishment to this murderer, I will challenge Wanheda to soulou gonplei. The decision is yours."

Lexa wanted to scream. She knew the humiliation that public lashings caused even the most stoic man, not to mention the pain that made even her most seasoned warriors flinch. She sighed quietly, knowing the queen was behind this. She also knew the choice she had to make. No one had ever died from lashings. If Clarke was forced to fight, she would lose...she would die.

She looked up at Clarke with tears building in her eyes, and wanted to let them fall when she saw that small smile and blue eyes full of understanding. It was Clarke that gave her the strength to finish the meeting.

She stood and waited for everyone to follow her actions. "Wanheda. You stand before me accused of murder. A decision has been made. Step forward." Clarke walked calmly to Lexa's throne and kneeled painfully, a storm brewing in her ocean eyes. "Heda."

"Wanheda. You have been found guilty. Twenty lashes."


	25. Prisoner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The 100 was created by Kass Morgan and adapted to TV by Jason Rothenberg. I do not own the characters or the world of The 100 except for those I create.

The sun was setting over Polis and even the beautiful colors over the city did nothing to calm her racing heart. Clarke didn't think there was anything that could prepare for all that was about to happen. She had accepted the pain, was ready for it. She knew the lashings would leave numerous deep scars, but she already had so many, the idea of a few more didn't really bother her.

Clarke sighed, as she sat on the ledge, her legs crossed her hands on her knees from where she had been meditating. The part that was bothering her was that she already had so many. And they were about to be exposed to all of Polis, to her mother and her friends, to Lexa.   
Clarke wasn't naive, she knew Lexa had felt them under her fingertips and seen the faint outlines in the darkness of their bedroom before, but she had been very careful to never expose them to the brunette in bright light. They were ugly and she bore them with the same shame they had been beaten into her with.

Clarke heard the door of her bedroom open and close, though she didn't turn from her perch on the ledge. Footsteps approached her slowly and she waited for the newcomer to speak, already having identified them by their footfalls.

"Clarke?"  
"Octavia. What do you need?"  
"Nothing. I just wanted to talk. Lexa stormed out of the meeting and you walked back here and no one really knows what happened. Is everything okay?"   
"I killed Uzac."  
Octavia put a hand on her shoulder, "I know."  
"I don't feel sorry," Clarke whispered.   
Octavia nodded again, "I know."  
Clarke deflated, leaning into her best friend. "I'm scared, O."  
"Did Lexa get you out of punishment?"

Clarke shook her head, which was on Octavia's shoulder, "I wouldn't let her. Twenty lashes. And now the sun's going down, which means I'll be collected soon."  
"Shit, Clarke."  
"Yeah."

They sat in silence for a few minutes, each's mind swirling with thoughts of what was to come. Clarke chose to break it,   
"I need you to do something for me, Octavia."  
"Anything, Clarke. You know that."  
"Don't let Lexa interfere. I don't care if I pass out, or scream until my voice is gone. She can't stop this and still be seen as a strong leader. You have to promise me you won't let her."

Octavia closed her eyes, instincts telling her a argue, to keep her friend safe. But she also knew that if Lexa stopped Clarke's punishment at any point, it could destroy the coalition. She opened her eyes and looked at the blonde solemnly,

"I promise."  
"And one more thing? If it's not too much to ask?"  
"Anything."

"When they bring me back here after, I want you to tattoo me. Before they start cleaning the blood and stitching the gashes. Octavia, I need you to mark me first."

Octavia wrapped Clarke securely in a hug, and both girls buried their faces into the other's neck. Octavia's voice was carried away by the wind, "Of course. I swear it, Clarke."

\-------------------------------

Clarke was led out into the streets, shackles around her wrists and guards on all sides. All of Polis was gathered at the arena to witness her punishment. It was the same place where Lexa had fought Roan while all the other Ambassadors watched. And they were all once again seated on the elevated stage, though this time, Lexa joined them in her throne. She was ushered slowly along, stopping once she was in the middle of the arena, between two large wooden poles. 

She was kicked behind her knees, involuntarily forced to kneel in the dirt and she tried not to flinch when the rough ground tore into her pants. Lexa rose, adorned in full Commander gear and war paint, and moved to the front of the stage. She looked around the space and met the eyes of her people, before finally gazing down at Clarke, hoping her love and strength were flashing through her eyes to the blonde.

"Wanheda. You are here because you have committed murder against Ambassador Uzac. You were tried and found guilty. You have been sentenced to twenty lashings."

Lexa paused, trying to find strength to say the next line. Her eyes caught Octavia's standing with Lincoln, the two trying to support Abby as she stood between them. Octavia raised her chin and nodded, telling her to continue. She glanced at Clarke, who did the same. Lexa knew she needed to do this, though she found no joy in it. She kept her head high and ordered the guards surrounding Clarke,

"Tie her to the trees."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's a little short and I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while. Finals are coming up and my junior year is super important so I've been super busy.


	26. Laceration

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The 100 was created by Kass Morgan and adapted to TV by Jason Rothenberg. I do not own the characters or the world of The 100 except for those I create.

There was something poetic about it, Clarke thought. In a way, she felt like she was paying for her sins, something she still felt the need to do even though those she'd killed were long dead.

The guards dragged her to the two trees and used a scratchy, rough rope to tie her wrists to each one, her arms barely long enough to stretch between them. She felt crucified as she stood there, the knots around her arms too tight and the trees too far apart for her to do anything other than standing with her arms wide and her back exposed to the dais of Ambassadors.

Usually, the Commander would be the one to administer punishment, but today, as her crimes were against the Ambassadors and not the coalition as a whole, the Ambassadors had decided that the man from Azgeda that had called for her torture would be the one to give her the lashes.

One of the guards stepped up behind her and tore the back of her shirt in two, and she almost gasped as the wind hit her now exposed flesh. She'd taken her time on the balcony to prepare herself, however, and had decided that no matter what they did to her, no matter how much it hurt, she would not scream, she would not flinch, she would not apologize.

She could feel Lexa's eyes staring into the back of her head, and wished she could be facing the girl so she could communicate through her expression that this was okay. She prayed Octavia would keep her word and not let Lexa interfere. She'd really hoped her mother and Kane would not be present, but the one quick scan of the square she'd allowed herself revealed their horrified expressions.

She dropped her head in submission, showing that she wasn't going to fight as she tried to take the last few seconds to school her features and brace herself for what was about to come.

The first crack of the old whip felt like lightning. And though her eyes remained closed, she couldn't hold in the shallow, pain-filled gasp that escaped her lips. The second blow is worse, landing almost in the same location as the first and she feels her skin split. Her muscles tense as the lashes keep coming, the Ambassador allowing her no reprieve in between. She loses count as her blood oozes from the cuts and runs down her pale skin, absorbing into the waistband of her pants.

The pain isn't like the sharp sting of a needle or a knife, it burns and spreads across her skin like fire. Every inch of her back feels scorched, and, whether she moves or not, Clarke is in more pain than she ever thought imaginable. She believes a bullet would be a mercy in that moment, though she still refuses to make a sound.

Her consciousness begins to slip as her knees give out. She expects to hit the ground and is unable to contain the quiet whimper as her arms jerk and the skin on her back stretches. Clarke's bonds are too tight, and she is forced to hand by her wrists, knees inches from the ground, but not touching and far too weak now to support her.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

It takes every ounce of strength that Lexa has not to jump down from the dais and slit the Azgedian Ambassador's throat. She is both appalled and fascinated when Clarke makes no sound at the first crack of the whip, expecting the pain to get the better of the younger girl. She knows deep down she would not have been able to keep silent had they swapped positions.

The tears start after the eighth lash, Clarke's once mostly smooth, pale skin now a bloody indiscernible mess of flayed skin. Lexa wipes the tears away, hoping no one has seen them, though they return a few moments later Clarke whimpering as she crumples toward the ground. 

Lexa actually cries out when Clarke is jerked by her wrists, the bonds placement on the trees not allowing her to sink fully to the ground. The blonde hangs there as the Ambassador continues to whip her, and Lexa sees red. Fury unlike she's ever felt before takes control of her and she stands abruptly, causing her throne to scratch backward on the wooden stage.

They next thing she knew she was taking quick steps forward and there was someone jerking her backward. She turned, hand poised to strike whoever dare to stop her, but she froze when the person responsible caught her wrist before it could make contact.

"Octavia?"

"Don't." The young warrior whispered.

Lexa's voice cracked, "I have to stop this, I have to save her."

Octavia smiled sadly, "You can't. Not this time."

The two girls glanced towards the girl that meant so much to both of them. The brave, outgoing, creative, beautiful, intelligent, and lively girl that they knew and loved was replaced with a broken and bleeding prisoner.

Lexa turned back to Octavia, "I have to try."

"She knew you would try."

"Really?"

"She also told me not to let you."

"And how do you plan to stop me?" She questioned, tired of being told what she was and wasn't allowed to do.

Octavia flinched remorsefully, "Because it's already over."

Lexa's wide eyes flashed back to her love, and she was dismayed to find that Octavia was right. The Ambassador had handed the whip back to one of Lexa's war advisors and was stepping through the dispersing crowd. Abby was kneeling in the blood splattered dirt in front of her daughter, weeping as Marcus stood behind her with a supportive hand on her shoulder.

Lexa pushed Octavia aside and sprinted towards Clarke's seemingly unconscious body. She reached the small group of people, aware that Octavia and Indra had followed her and Raven was slowly limping towards them from the small crowd remaining.

Unapologetically, Lexa pushed Abby to the side as well and cupped Clarke's cheeks in her hands. Brushing sweaty blonde hair from the forehead, she allowed her tears to fall. Clarke lazily blinked up at her and smiled,

"Hi."

"Clarke?" Lexa gasped.

"Hi."

"Hold on, my love. I'll get you down and I'll make all the pain go away."

She quickly barked for Octavia and Indra to undo Clarke's bindings. The blonde collapsed into her arms as soon as she was released and Lexa gently lowered her to the ground. Clarke was on her side, her head resting in Lexa's lap as the Commander smoothed her hair and whispered sweet words that only she could hear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another one! I will say it was hard to write, but an interesting thing to explore.


	27. Healing and Ink

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The 100 was created by Kass Morgan and adapted to TV by Jason Rothenberg. I do not own the characters or the world of The 100 except for those I create.

Clarke stood in front of the cracked mirror, staring down at her naked body. She stretched her skin different directions, stretching the weak muscles she's had to neglect this past week and getting acquainted with the way her newest scars marked her body.

Lexa had gotten up with the sun for an early meeting with the clan leaders. Clarke had taken the opportunity to get out of their bed and soak in a hot bath. One of the servants had helped her clean her still tender skin and Clarke had made the young girl vow to secrecy. She wasn't supposed to be out of bed, Heda's orders, but she was going absolutely mad. 

She turned slowly and tilted her head to get a clear view of her back. The scars had healed pretty nicely, though there were still a few that made her flinch if they were touched. She pulled her hair messily into her hand and onto her head, craning her neck to see her tattoo. Three black numbers,  a mark representing her past. One that she could wear on her skin and reflect on, but Clarke vowed that she wouldn't let her time on the ark define her anymore. 

She ran her fingers delicately over the small swollen patch of skin that the numbers occupied. She didn't remember much from after the lashes, but she remembered the conversation between Lexa and Octavia.

Once Clarke was safely back in the tower, Lexa refused to leave her side, even going as far as to dismiss Clarke's usual guards so that she could be closer to the blonde. Working together, the healers got Clarke onto the bed and onto her stomach. They looked to Wanheda for permission to get started, but none came.

Lexa reached down to smooth some of CLarke's hair from where it was sticking to her sweaty forehead.

"It's over, my love. Forgive me, I should have stopped him." She said, her voice fragile.

Clarke's voice was tired, slow, and raspier than normal when she answered, "It's okay, Lexa. I'm okay. We're okay."

Lexa smiled, "Yes, Clarke. You're going to be just fine. Please, love. Let my healers help you."

But Clarke shook her head, as stubborn as ever, and turned her gaze to another brunette, "O?"

Octavia stepped beside Lexa and took Clarke's pale, shaking hand into her own calloused and strong one, "Lincoln's coming right back with the supplies, Clarke. Then we'll get started."

Clarke nodded, "Thank you."

Clarke closed her eyes then, and Lexa looked at Octavia in confusion, "What are you talking about?"

Octavia sighed, "There was a second part to the vow I made to Clarke. The first was to stop you if you tried to interfere with the lashing." Both girls flinched when it was mentioned.

Lexa was slightly nervous to ask, but she did so anyway, "And the second part?"

"A tattoo."

Lexa chuckled in disbelief, "A tattoo? Explain, Octavia."

"Clarke made me vow that I would tattoo her after the lashing and before the healers would be allowed to stitch her up."

There was a soft knock on the door and Lincoln walked calmly into the room, handing Octavia a needle and a small bottle of ink.

"Do you remember how I taught you?" He asked her.

"Yes," Octavia replied confidently.

The door opened soundlessly behind her and Clarke's blue eyes caught green in the mirror. Lexa crossed the room and stood behind Clarke, wrapping her arms around the blonde's waist. 

"Why are you out of bed, my love?"

"Any longer in that bed and I'll go insane, Lex."

She felt a soft kiss on her shoulder, "Are you're sure you're strong enough, Clarke? I don't want you to push too hard."

"Do you have any other meetings today, Heda?"

"Not until late tonight, love."

Clarke met her favorite pair of green eyes in the mirror, "Can we walk around the market today? I want to get outside. I want to show my people that I will not be broken."

Lexa spun her around in her arms and kissed her, gently are first, but quickly with more heat as she noticed Clarke was indeed getting stronger again. When they broke away, Lexa rested her forehead against Clarke's, keeping her close. 

"Of course we can. Anything you want." Lexa glanced down at the brace encasing Clarke's leg, "Any feeling today?"

Clarke nodded, "More and more every day. It's still mostly just tingles, but the therapy exercises Raven's having me do are helping."

Lexa smiled and kissed Clarke again, softly this time, "I'm glad." 

Taking another glance at her love, Lexa chuckled, "Do you plan on walking the market like this, or are clothes in your master plan for today?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LISTEN, GUYS, I AM SO SORRY THAT THIS TOOK SO LONG I AM OFFICIALLY STRUGGLING TO CONTINUE THIS STORY! I WANT TO CONTINUE AND GIVE CLARKE AND LEXA THE BEAUTIFUL ENDING THEY DESERVE SO IF YOU HAVE ANY ANY IDEAS PLEASE COMMENT


	28. Bound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The 100 was created by Kass Morgan and adapted to TV by Jason Rothenberg. I do not own the characters or the world of The 100 except for those I create.

A few weeks passed and as Clarke's scars healed, so did the city of Polis. Her 'transgression' had been forgiven and she was back to being respected and loved by the people. Due to her basic knowledge of physical therapy and Raven's suggestions, she had gained back enough feeling to walk stably without her brace.

Not only were the people of Polis enchanted with Clarke but their leader as well. Lexa had seen every side of Clarke, yet each day the blonde would surprise her in some way. One day she would be ruthless in negotiating trade deals and the next she would be teaching the children of Polis which flowers made a room smell the sweetest. Lexa would enter their bedroom that evening to find those very flowers sitting on the table.

Currently, Lexa was sparring with the Nightbloods. Clarke was watching from the shade of a nearby tree. She'd been sketching earlier but was simply relaxing now and enjoying the autumn air.

She smiled as she watched Lexa interact with the Natblidas. Back on the Ark, she'd never dreamed of having children, not wanting to doom them to a life in space. But now that she was on the ground...she had to admit that the idea was appealing.

As if whatever gods existed had sensed her train of thought, the youngest Nightblood, a toddler named Isa, came stumbling towards her. Clarke beamed and scooped the giggling child into her arms, resting her on her hip.

Isa played with Clarke's fingers and hair while she resumed watching training. Occasionally, a laugh would erupt from the bubbly little girl and an automatic smile would surface on Clarke's face.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

Lexa was getting distracted, not enough to lose any of the fights, but enough that her pupils began to notice her lack of focus. They were smart enough to not to voice their thoughts, and they really did adore Clarke. The Nightbloods were just happy their Heda was happy again, the light in her eyes was righter than they'd ever seen it.

Eventually, Lexa couldn't stand it anymore. She'd received a letter in response to her request early yesterday evening. Abby Griffin had graciously agreed on behalf of Clarke's father.

Lexa paused her training and met Clarke under the tree. Clarke stood up and Aden took Isa upon Lexa's request.

"Lexa?" Clarke asked, confused. "Is everything okay?"

Lexa's smile lit up her entire face, "Yes. Everything is perfect."

It was then, in the light of the setting sun, that Heda kneeled before her beloved. The quiet gasps of the Natblidas chorused behind her. 

"Klark," she spoke thickly. "Ai hod yu in. Ai sonraun laik yu sonraun, osir keryon ste teina."

She watched as tears fell down Clarke's face, and reached forward to entwine their fingers.

"Ai badan yu op en nou moun kos hodnes laik yuj."

"Lex." Clarke choked out with a smile.

"Clarke Griffin of the Sky People, Wanheda, en ai niron, I want you to become ai houmon, my wife. Will you bind yourself to me?"

Clarke had read about Grounder marriage traditions, and she knew binding ceremonies made usual Ark marriages look like pinky promises. She also knew that Commanders rarely ever bonded.

Lexa wanted to bind their souls, their life forces, for this lifetime and all others.

She nodded, wiping her tears, "Of course. Yes, yes, always."

The Nightbloods clapped and cheered as Lexa stood and lifted Clarke by the waist, spinning her around as she laughed together. Once she was back on the ground, Clarke pulled Lexa closer for a long, sweet kiss.

"I love you."

"And I love you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ai hod yu in. Ai sonraun laik yu sonraun, osir keryon ste teina- I love you. My life is your life, our souls are intertwined.  
> Ai badan yu op en nou moun kos hodnes laik yuj- I will fight for you and no other because love is strength.


	29. Osir Keryon Ste Teina

It was the next spring, after the winter ice had melted and the new flowers had bloomed, in a small clearing just outside of Polis, that Heda and Wanheda were wed. The clearing was blossoming and the trees and flowers surrounded them in their welcoming aura as the final preparations were made. 

Flower arches created a small aisle, and beautifully carved benches held everyone deemed important to the two leaders. Their closest friends and those they called family smiled as Lexa walked down to take her place beside Lincoln, who had graciously accepted to perform the ceremony. 

Lexa’s celebratory armor was new and custom made for her bonding day, and her red stash was flowing deeply over her shoulder. There was a matching red flower in her hair, tucked into one of the many braids.

Lexa gasped as she finally saw her wife to be, Clarke blushed lightly as saw how she’d quickly captured everyone’s attention. Lexa had asked her personal tailor to create Clarke’s gown, and the blonde had loved working with the gentle old woman who asked her input for every piece of the dress. 

It was a deep grey, similar to Lexa’s armor and though it flowed around her in some places, it was tight to her curves and had pieces of armor incorporated to show her status. Her gown had no back, only a trail of red flowers cascading over both of her shoulders and down her spine. They were identical to the buds woven into her braids, forming a crown around her head. 

Finally, she stood across from Lexa and held her lover’s hands in her own, the smile on her face radiating the pure joy she was experiencing. Lexa’s stared back at her with loving eyes and a brilliant smile of her own. Their audience was seated and the ceremony began. Lincoln’s words all seemed to rush past the two women in a blur until it was time to deliver their vows to each other.

Clarke spoke first, bringing Lexa’s hands up to place a soft kiss on each one.

"You are Blood of my Blood, and Bone of my Bone. I give you my body, that we two may become one. I give you my spirit until this life is done and the next has begun. You are Blood of my Blood and Bone of my Bone. 

You cannot possess me for I belong to myself. But while we both wish it, I give you that which is mine to give. You cannot command me, for I am a free person. But I shall serve you in those ways you require and the honeycomb will taste sweeter coming from my hand. 

I pledge to you that yours will be the name I cry aloud in the night and the eyes into which I smile in the morning. I pledge to you the first bite of my meat and the first drink from my cup. I pledge to you my living and my dying, each equally in your care. I shall be a shield for your back and you for mine. I shall honor you above all others

This is my wedding vow to you, Leksa kom Trikru. This is the marriage of equals."

Lexa was smiling so brightly that it lit up her entire face, and Clarke saw tears growing in her favorite pair of green eyes. Their warpaint, usually used to intimidate the enemy and show their malice for whoever dared stare them down, was filled only with the deepest of love on that day.

Lexa began to repeat the traditional vows as well, speaking loud and clear that the incredible woman standing in front of her was hers for the rest of time, in this life and the next.

"You are Blood of my Blood, and Bone of my Bone. I give you my body, that we two may become one. I give you my spirit until this life is done and the next has begun. You are Blood of my Blood and Bone of my Bone.

You cannot possess me for I belong to myself. But while we both wish it, I give you that which is mine to give. You cannot command me, for I am a free person. But I shall serve you in those ways you require and the honeycomb will taste sweeter coming from my hand. 

I pledge to you that yours will be the name I cry aloud in the night and the eyes into which I smile in the morning. I pledge to you the first bite of my meat and the first drink from my cup. I pledge to you my living and my dying, each equally in your care. I shall be a shield for your back and you for mine. I shall honor you above all others

This is my wedding vow to you, Klark kom Skaikru. This is the marriage of equals."

Clarke smiled through the few tears leaking down her cheeks and Lexa thought she had never seen such a beautiful sight. Lincoln turned to the small crowd gathered to witness the ceremony, "If no one present has any reason why Leksa and Klark should not be bound together for this life and every life forward, then we shall conclude the ceremony with the tying of their souls."

Lexa and Clarke turned to face their friends and family as Indra stepped forward, in her hands she was carrying the four cords that Lexa and Clarke had braided together in private a few days prior. 

She smiled at both women that she saw as daughters and asked them to hold out their hands, tangling their fingers and neither hand on top of the other. Then, she began the final portion of the bounding ceremony.

"I bid you know to look into each other's eyes."

They turned slightly to face each other again, their hands between them.

"Will you honor and respect one another, and seek to never break that honor?"

Both women nodded, "Sha. Ai swega klin." 

Indra draped the first cord over the couple's hands, "And so the first binding is made."

"Will you share each other's pain, and seek to erase it?"

"Sha. Ai swega klin." 

The second cord was placed over their hands, "And so the binding is made."

"Will you share the burdens of each so that your spirits may grow in this union?"

"Sha. Ai swega klin." 

The third cord was added, "And so the binding is made."

"Will you share in each other's laughter, and look for the brightness in life and the positive in each other?"

"Sha. Ai swega klin." 

Indra smiled and slid the last cord into place over their intertwined hands, "And so the binding is made."

The usually hard warrior looked lovingly at the couple as she tightly tied all of the cords together around their hands, symbolizing to all that Clarke and Lexa's souls were now bound as one.

She raised their bond in her own hands and all three woman faced the people gathered, "This binding is complete. Heda and Wanheda are one."

Everyone jumped to their feet and cheered, Indra and Lincoln moving into the crowd as well to congratulate the ecstatic couple.

Clarke and Lexa turned to each other, their smiles beaming and their emotions that of only the purest joy.

"Ai hod yu in, ai houmon."

"En ai hod yu in seintaim, ai houmon."

And with that, the blonde and the brunette pulled each other close and collided their lips together, sealing their vows and their promises to both themselves and each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it folks! I hope you enjoyed and I hope I gave these two amazing characters the story they deserved. Let me know what you think, I always enjoy reading your comments! Until the next one xx


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